Countdown to Laughter 1

Countdown to Laughter

Issue 1

I decided to get an e-mail list ready so when the time comes to announce the arrival of Isaac Ryan Cravey, it will be easy to crank out an announcement. The more I thought about it, the more I realized this is the perfect time to live my lifelong dream of boring people with the minutia of my life through a mass e-mail.

Unlike most mass e-mails, something actually is going on right now, we are counting down one month until the due date of our first child, Isaac Ryan Cravey. I will use this forum to document my slow descent into madness as the reality of parenthood overtakes me.

I’ll probably send out an e-mail every few days. Now, if you aren’t interested, just speak up, and I’ll take you off the list. Secondly I will occasionally use profanity. I debated this for a while and eventually decided that I would go with profanity for a few reasons.

• Most of the “naughty words” actually refer to the creation of a baby, the parts that help create the baby, or what the baby spends 90% of his time doing so really this is one time when its appropriate.
• I’m going for honesty here, and when I’ve only had a few hours of sleep, the brain censor will shut off. Censoring myself will take to much energy.
• Everything else in my life is going to be sanitized for children’s protection so letting the “F” bomb slip once and again will help me vent.
• Profanity is an often funny and efficient means of communication.

i.e. “That Tom Cruise fellow is acting might bit peculiar.” 9 words

“Tom Cruise is Batshit” 4 words.

Finally, if you want to add someone to the list, just e-mail me.

So it dawned on me a few days ago that around a month from now, we will have a small thing living in our house. Those of you who have kids of your own have been almost no help whatsoever. I seem to remember in the years before Nancy was pregnant, there was an uninterrupted stream of questions like “When are you going to have kids?”, and comments like, “Fatherhood gives a real direction to your life.” As soon as the egg was fertilized, all of those friendly helpful faces turned to a unison chant of the least bit of helpful advice ever……”Your lives are going to change so much”

The inflection in this statement is usually a mix of pity, and Schaudenfreude. Nancy and I had originally thought that having a baby would be similar to buying a new couch or perhaps painting a room a new color, I’m beginning to suspect that this may not be true.

“Your lives are going to change so much” is the most common piece of advice. The weirdest piece of advice I got was from a patient of mine. When told that I was naming my son Isaac, a patient responded, “Well that’s a real Jew name”. I didn’t realize that the Jewish ness of something could me measured quantitatively. I suppose you measure it in miliCohens.

My favorite piece of advice was from our friend Paula Burch who told us to enjoy every stage because it all goes by so quickly. I can truly say that we have. This whole experience has been mostly smooth sailing, and I’m proud of Nancy for doing so well.

Well hopefully you’ll hear from me again in a few days. Again, if you aren’t interested in the updates, just let me know, and I’ll take you off the list.

Big Matt