Librarian Mother...Who would have thought? (HOL 76)

House of Laughter 76

Isaac cycles through certain books obsessively. He will happily listen to you read them three or four times consecutively.

The number one book right now is “Going on a Bear Hunt”. I remember my pre-school teachers leading the class on “Bear Hunts” when I was a child. The premise is that “We are going on a bear hunt. We are going to catch a big one. What a beautiful day. We’re not scared.”

The group then encounters a series of obstacles that can’t be gone over or under, eventually ending up at a bear’s cave. Upon finding the bear, they run back home with the bear chasing closely behind.

I love this book for two reasons. 1) I only have to say the first word of every sentence. Isaac “reads” the rest of the book to me. 2) Every single damn time I read the book, Isaac has a gleeful look of anticipation as the family approaches the bear’s cave. When I read the part about “Two big furry ears….One shiny black nose….Two Big Googly eyes….It’s a Bear!” He looks at me like I am about to tell the funniest joke in the whole world and he is just dying to hear the punch line.

Isaac’s enthusiasm for “The Marvel Comics Guide to the Incredible Hulk Universe” is thankfully ebbing somewhat. The Guide is a large colorful directory of every hero and villain associated with Dr. Bruce Banner and The Incredible Hulk since he was first exposed to gamma radiation. Isaac routinely identifies each character as a “Good Guy” or “Bad Guy”. Isaac and I have gotten into intense debates over whether or not the Hulk is a “Good Guy” (my stance), or a “Bad Guy” (Isaac’s position). After reading the history of the Russian equivalent of the Fantastic Four that the Hulk battled in the early 80’s for the sixth time in a week, I realize why girls didn’t like me in middle school.

The only real plus to the book is that Stan Lee never created a female superhero who’s secret weakness was gravity.

Isaac’s most intense obsession is over a book my mother gave me for Valentine’s Day when I was a child. “The Wookie Story Book” tells the story of Chewbacca’s family. For being set on a distant planet inhabited with strange life forms, it is one dull read. The upshot of the story is that Chewie’s son Lumpy wanders away from his family’s tree house to find some berries in the dangerous swamp below. He gets lost, Chewbacca rescues him, and then they have a big Wookie party.

When my folks were visiting a couple of weeks ago, my dad started off reading the actual text in the book, and then deviated in to his own version of the story. My father’s version was much funnier, and featured many more hysterical bodily functions then the original. Since then, I’ve never read that book the same way twice. One night, the story will be about Chewie’s son learning to use the potty, the next night it will be about Momma Chewbacca buying Daddy Chewbacca a Wii.

My mom told me that when I was Isaac’s age, I was obsessed with Dr. Seuss’s “The Foot Book”. I recently bought a copy for Isaac. Inspired by a photoshop of the book’s cover I had seen on the internet, I changed every repetition of the word “Foot” to another very funny word with the same first and last letter that has to do with a bodily function. Needless to say, Isaac and I could barely finish the book we were laughing so hard.

Up in the Air Feet, Over a Chair Feet
Slow Feet Quick Feet, Here Come Pig Feet
Wet Feet Dry Feet
Up Feet Down Feet, Here Come Clown Feet.

Nancy came in to see what good clean family fun we were having. She warned me yet again, that he would say this hilarious word at day care, and I would be blamed. (I somehow think that anything off color he says in the future will be attributed to me.)
Nancy took the book and tried to read the “Original Version”. She read, “Left Foot, Right Foot, Feet, Feet, Feet.”

Isaac interrupted “NO! Daddy reads this book!”

I love it when my wife wants to give me a disapproving look, but she can’t do it because she is concentrating all of her effort on not laughing.

Strength and Honor
Big Matt