Preparations (CTL 5)

Countdown to Laughter

Issue 5

My parents have friends named Chelsea and Ryan who are also pregnant. My dad showed me a picture where Ryan painted Chelsea’s belly to look like a basketball. The look on Nancy’s face should have said enough, but I asked anyway.

“Maybe I could do the Epcot ball on your belly?”

I don’t remember the exact words, but it was something to the tune of, “No way in hell”. Nancy has been really cool about the changes in her body. We even went and spent a day at a swimming pool a week ago, and she wore an honest to God bathing suit. In case you’ve never worn maternity clothes, they are like normal clothes accept they have a huge cloth panel over the belly. Oh man they are sexy.

I’ll get on my soapbox now. Women are made to feel like crap about how they look from the time they get their first Barbie. Somebody go get that Lohan girl a sammich for Pete’s sake.

Since she began showing, Nancy’s attitude is, “I’m pregnant. This is how I look, and I’m proud of it.” I think she looks great. She exercises regularly, and eats mostly healthy food. She’s the hottest pregnant woman I know. She also has this cool, content look on her face when she sits rubbing her belly. It’s like she has a secret and she’s not in a hurry to share it with anyone.

In other news, we woke Max up long enough to explain to him that he just got bumped down about four notches on the family totem pole. He’s now just below the washing machine, but still above the cats.

I downloaded a three minute crying jag from www.beprepared.net . I’ve played it for Max a few times, and can’t really tell if there is any reaction at all. I put the mirror under his nose, and he was still breathing so I guess that was a good sign.

I’ve heard that we want to bring some of the baby’s clothes home early from the hospital so the dog can smell them. I think I’ll just take a sack full of dog hair to the hospital and sprinkle it in the crib instead.

My sister assures me that I will be amazed how incredibly stupid the animals will become as soon as Isaac gets here. I calmly explained to Max that he needs to come over and gently nudge me when he needs to go out instead of barking loudly. I think he understands this and will work on his behavior.

Big Matt