Ask Me About My Flat Spot (HoL 18)

Today was the visit to Dr. Argenta’s office in Winston Salem. I want to thank everyone for all of the support and love we received. When we got home tonight, there were a half dozen messages on our answering machine from friends and family checking on us.

I went to work this morning with the plan of leaving at lunch and heading to Wake Forest with Nancy and Isaac. About 11:00 I started to panic. I became really nervous, and agitated. Around 12:30 we started driving to Winston-Salem. We found the plastic surgery office on the fifth floor of Janeway tower (A Star Trek reference….this had to be a good omen.) Nancy filled out all of the paper work while Isaac and I checked out the hospital’s helicopter landing pad down below us.

After a very short wait, the physician’s assistant gave us a cursory examination, and sent us to the 3-D imaging room. They put a stocking cap over his head (I commented that he was now ready for his first liquor store robbery, and the imaging people laughed.), and strapped on some “Matrix” style sunglasses with a reference point on the right temple. While I held him, the younger tech “painted” Isaac’s head with a laser. The computer recognized where the reference point was in relation to the scan and sure enough, a three dimensional model of Isaac’s head was compiled on the computer monitor to my right. It was kind of like how they created Gollum for the Lord of the Rings.

Dr. Argenta came and looked at the boy, and told us that he had a significant flat spot that was slightly to the left and the was pulling his left ear out of proper alignment. This could be the source of ear infections down the road. Dr. Argenta recommended the helmet, to be worn 24 hours a day for 3-4 months. I asked if this was purely cosmetic, or if there was potential for serious problems. His response reminded me of something Gill Grissom on C.S.I. would say. He told us about how the brain’s blood flow pattern’s were very specific, and if you change the shape of the brain, it might cause damage. It wouldn’t make him severely brain damaged, but may cause learning disabilities.

Then came the coolest and most surreal part of the doctor’s speech. “When Isaac gets older, take him to the basement of the Smithsonian in Washington. They have all these skulls from different Indian and South American tribes who would bind the skulls of their captive’s and slave’s children causing them to grow up deaf and with the inability to speak. They bound the heads differently, and some of the skulls are flat, while others are tall and narrow. This would have turned some people off, but I liked the doctor much more after that.

The doctor left, and Nancy, Isaac and I sat in the exam room together. I asked Nancy, “Wasn’t he supposed to say that Dr. Young was just being overly cautious”, and “Isaac is fine. He will grow out of it.” Nancy and I had both been expecting that.

A technician came and custom fit a hideous “Carolina Blue” helmet on to his noggin. It looks like a football helmet with the top sliced off. I’ll admit it was a little difficult to look at to begin with. I picked him up and it didn’t take long until I got a good solid head butt from Isaac. The tech told us that we will be getting a lot of those since the baby can’t feel them. Isaac acted like he didn’t even notice his helmet. The first real shock though was when I went to kiss his head and kissed plastic instead. That set off a small ripple of sadness through me.

Everyone at the office was very friendly and patient. No one seemed like they were in a rush when they saw us.

Nancy, Isaac, and I found our car in parking deck. Nancy looked a little pale and had a blank look on her face. I asked how she felt. She said she felt ok, but her anxiety level was starting to rise, and it’s possible that she could cry at any minute. I asked what was on her mind, and she said, “Most people see Isaac and think, ‘What a cute baby!’ Now their first impression is going to be ‘Why is that baby wearing a helmet? What’s wrong with him?” There was a few moments of silence, and I was worried that Nancy was going to start crying, so I said, “What if we get a sticker for the middle of his helmet that says ‘The Fuck You Lookin At?” We both laughed out loud. We had to.

We went and walked around the mall in Winston. We had to decompress. Nancy was right. People did look at us differently. They looked and then made an effort not to look. I held my boy up with pride. He was still perfect in my eyes. Afterwards, Nancy told me she was glad that we went out and saw the other people’s reactions early on instead of us getting used to the helmet and then going out and experiencing the odd looks from strangers.

We had dinner at Elizabeth’s Pizza and split a pitcher of Red Oak beer. We blew off steam and made each other laugh suggesting different sayings that we could print on his helmet. I suggested “Shit Happens When You Party Naked”. Nancy liked “My Parents Did This to Me.” I also suggested “They Shake Me”. We laughed and talked for a while before settling on the saying which now appears boldly in orange and blue letters across his forehead, “Ask Me About My Flat Spot”. We felt that this message was really funny, but at the same time acknowledged the elephant in the room to strangers. The people who don’t think it’s funny….well, he’s our kid to screw up however we see fit. The rest of the helmet is covered in alligator stickers and palm trees.

On the way home, we had to stop at Target to buy some formula. As we walked down one aisle in the back of the store, we heard a six year old boy the next aisle over tell his dad, “Look dad, there’s a baby with a helmet on!”. Nancy and I grimaced at first, but just looked at each other and smiled. We never had it so good. The helmet is only for now. Isaac is happy as can be. He got to see a helicopter today and gets to wear a cool helmet all the time….even while sleeping.

Strength and Honor

Big Matt