Sending Mimi Home (HOL 49)

House of Laughter 49

Thanks to all the folks who wrote, called, sent cards, or visited with us over the last few days. Nancy, Isaac, and I have been overwhelmed by your love and care. For those of you who didn’t write, call, send a card or visit…..shit to you (as Mimi used to say).

I got a call at work Thursday at 1:30. My father had found “Mimi”, (My mother’s mother) dead in her apartment. She had gotten up, put on make up and a wig, and never made it out of the bedroom.

That night after work we had dinner with friends and made hasty plans to fly to Florida. Our plane left Friday afternoon from Greensboro. We had to leave our house at 2:30 to make it through security and get on the plane. At one o-clock, Nancy was in the bedroom, I was in the office, and Isaac was playing in his room. Nancy and I both heard Isaac scream a real scream of terror and pain. We both ran.

Isaac had fallen and landed face first on one of those decorative Christmas popcorn tins. (He likes to play it like a drum). I looked at the tin, and it had a white, pea sized bit of flesh on it. Isaac’s mouth was full of blood, and his lip was swollen. There was so much blood, we couldn’t tell where it was coming from.

I panicked. I called the pediatrician’s office. They were closed for lunch, but had an emergency line. I called it, and to be honest, don’t remember what the message said. Nancy scooped up the boy and drove to the office, hoping to catch someone as they were eating. In case that failed, I was calling several urgent care centers in the area and pleading with the triage nurses to let him be skipped to the front of the line if Nancy couldn’t get help at our doctor’s office.

Meanwhile, our pediatrician’s emergency phone calls Nancy’s cell. The doc on call tells her to put ice on it, and it will get better….there isn’t really anything they can do. By the time Nancy brings him home, Isaac has calmed down, and Nancy has blood smeared all over the left side of her shirt. Isaac wants no part of the ice packs, and in an act which will surely win me the “Clever Father of the Year” award, I present him with a frozen marshmallow “Peep” ghost, which he sucks on quite happily.

We made it to the airport when our second trial began, going through security. Airport security is an enormous pain in the ass anyway now, but with a baby, the hassle is ludicrous. I had heard that restrictions had been relaxed. I was mostly wrong. You could bring diaper rash cream, hand sanitizer, juice boxes, milk, and cough syrup, it just all had to fit in a plastic bag, (which they don’t provide.) Also, in addition to your own coat and shoes, you have to remove the baby’s coat and shoes. (I feel safer knowing that the Caucasian, blond haired, fifteen month old has been thoroughly ruled out as a “shoe-bomber”.)

We finally arrived in Jacksonville and my in-laws picked us up, took us to dinner, and drove us to Gainesville. Isaac was up at 4:30 the next morning. Nancy went running with her sister. I went and helped clean out Mimi’s apartment. Five or six of my parent’s friends helped us move stuff out. There was a sad moment when I first arrived at the apartment and saw her walker with a big bow on it. I knew it was hers, and my mind immediately jumped to the conclusion that I would see her, and give her a hug. By the time my conscious mind caught up, I had a lump in my throat.

My friend Michael suggested that seeing the body was a helpful part of the grieving process (unless there was great trauma involved), and so I asked my father if I could see the body. He made arrangements with the funeral home for me to come by. The funeral director took Nancy and I to a small, private viewing room where the body was on a metal stretcher. I pulled up a chair, sat, and cried for a little while. Mimi always wore wigs and makeup, and what I saw looked nothing like her.

I know this is crazy, but Nancy agreed that she wasn’t 100% sure we were in the right room. The funeral director was kind and patient enough to show me the name tag, and Dad confirmed what she was wearing when he found her.

That night I wrote the Eulogy posted below. I was tired, and it was not easy.

The memorial service was actually pretty great. By Sunday, most of the shock had worn off, and I was comforted by the idea that Mimi was now in the presence of God. It also dawned on me that if I could write the ending of my own life, it would involve being active well into my old age, having a long life full of adventure, being surrounded by loving friends and family, and still being important to others. I would want to die without fear, and without prolonged suffering. This was the script of the end of her life.

During the service, we sang, laughed, and cried a little. The afternoon was a blur of food and my parents’ friends.

The next day, Dad and I sorted through her possessions trying to decide what to keep, what to throw away, and what to give away. I found a birthday card that was supposed to go to my sister (Ali’s birthday was the day Mimi died, 11/02.) It felt good to work off some of my grief.

The trip back to Greensboro was exhausting, and my left ear still hasn’t decompressed from the plane flight. Isaac was a champ for most of the trip. He has starting growling at things (in a playful way). He still calls every mammal a “Cat”, but now will say “Go” whenever he sees an alligator. He is also fascinated by big trucks (Good thing there is a busy warehouse visible from his daycare window.) He also loves playing with his cousins and recognizes his grandparents in a crowd.

It was a healthy time of grief, memory, and celebration.

Strength and Honor,
Big Matt

P.S. Halloween night was a blast. Isaac quickly learned to take as much candy as the homeowners would let him. It also turns out that he really likes cotton candy.