New Normal (HoL 2)

I’m starting to get back into a normal routine today. I took last week off which was great, but now I’m back at work, and most of the “Gift food” has run out, so it’s time to role up my sleeves and get to work.

Nancy and I feel tired quite a bit, but I don’t think we’ve ever felt like we couldn’t survive. It helps to have a great network of friends and church folk to check on us now and then.

I think Isaac has found his hands. The other day he watched his hand float in space almost randomly with a look on his face like “What the hell is this thing?” Isaac has four basic moods.

1) Sleep. (This is his favorite)

2) Awake and busy. He stares around the room, kicks, talks, smokes. This is when he is the most fun.

3) Screensaver face. This is when his face randomly shuffles through emotions in no particular order. This is his default face.

4) Crying. There are five levels of crying.

1) A few whimpers, you know it’s coming

2) A steady quiet cry.

3) The highest level or tolerable crying.

4) This is the standard level, punctuated with frequent screams

5) Full on, Red Level cry. Whatever you are doing, you have to stop. You can’t drive with a level five cry going on. This a constant loud cry punctuated with coughs and gasps for air. This is the cry you hope no one ever hears, because H.R.S. would immediately take a baby from anyone
so incompetent to let the baby cry this loud.

His maximum sleep time is four hours. Not too bad, but Nancy and I aren’t college age anymore, so it’s been a little rough.

Last week I went with the youth for half a day at Carowinds on Monday. It’s a “Six Flagish” roller coaster park down in Charlotte (As if anyone I know has ever sat in a room with me for more than five minutes and didn’t have to listen to me yap about roller coasters). Around noon, I got a call from Nancy. Evidently the “Check coolant” light came on in the car, and this was more than she could deal with. She had felt very cool, independent and on top of things. She had the baby dressed, in the car seat, and was going to meet some friends for lunch. When she put the key in the ignition, the light came on.

Oh, did I mention her asshole husband was an hour and a half away riding roller coasters?

When I finally got a hold of her, she was crying so hard, I thought wild coyotes had broken through the windows and were eating the baby in front of her. I panicked and offered to drive back to Greensboro, but she said there was nothing I could do at this point. She was still upset, but had cooled down considerably by the time I talked to her. She never was rude to me where I could hear it, although she did admit to calling me a few names when she first saw the light go on.

The rest of the week was great. We took Isaac to the drive in movie theater in Eden. We wanted to go see “The 40 Year Old Virgin” (Isaac picked the movie), but by the time we got to the theater, there was no movie being shown, and no other cars in the lot. I went into the
concession stand and asked the projectionist if he was still going to show a movie tonight. He said that no one has shown up for the first show, so he wasn’t going to show it tonight, but if we wanted to stick around, he was going to test his new print of “The Brothers Grimm” to see if it would work for the next night’s show. So we got to see a free preview of a movie we really wanted to see, the night before it was released, in our very own drive in theater.

And he gave us a free bag of M & Ms.

The other high point of the week was going to the zoo. We know Isaac didn’t know what the hell was going on, the point was more just to prove that we could go on a short road trip, and not come back completely mad and covered in feces.

My favorite moment at the zoo, was when we first arrived. Isaac was hungry, so we found some shaded Adirondack chairs with a view of the lake. It was the perfect temperature, and there was a slight breeze. Nancy breast fed Isaac right there. We were discrete, but we weren’t
hidden either.

It felt really great to watch them together, with my feet kicked up, a breeze blowing around me, with a spectacular view. Watching him feed was beautiful and natural, and yet slightly subversive as well. It was a holy moment.

Oh and I took a picture of Isaac next to a life size bronze bison with a huge wang as well. That part was pretty good too.

Big Matt

House Of Laughter Begins

Well, it’s been a week and three days since things became very interesting. I have tried to write several times, but ended up dozing off to sleep or had this very small person crying in my ear.

One bit of housekeeping before I begin. I will still periodically send out e-mail updates on the status of our nuclear family, although not with the frequency of the pre-birth updates. If you would like to opt out, or add an e-mail address to the list at any time, please let me know.

Also, I will occasionally send out small digital pictures to the names on this list. If you would like to be excluded from any photos in e-mail, please let me know. My computer is very slow, so the pictures won’t be very large or frequent.

With that taken care of, I present the beginning of a new chapter.

4:30 a.m. the alarm goes off. I’d been asleep for about three hours. Nancy and I went out to dinner with Marnie and Daniel the night before, had ice cream afterwards, and tried to watch some comedy movie. The movie didn’t do much for me, so I laid in bed for an hour doing a crossword puzzle until I fell asleep. I don’t know what time Nancy came to bed.

4:30 is really early in the morning by the way, and I’m not much of a morning person. I got a quick shower, and we hopped in the car to go to the hospital. We had two errands we had to run on the way to the hospital. First, we had to return the DVD from the night before to the video store. Second, we had to put some sort variation on the theme of biscuit, egg, sausage, and coffee in my belly.

Biscuitville is not open at 5:00 in the morning. I was so pissed about that, that I missed the video store, had to turn around in the hospital parking lot, and go back to return the DVD. I was now hungry, tired and frustrated, and we hadn’t even gotten into the hospital. We found out that Hardees and IHOP are also closed at 5:00 in the morning. Nancy urged me to go back to Bi-Lo or find a gas station and buy some donuts, but at this point I was ready to get the show on the road.

We parked at Women’s hospital and carried our luggage into maternity admissions. It reminded me of going to an airport for an early flight. We were tired, we knew we were going to have a long trip ahead of us, but be happy when we finally arrived. There was only one other couple in the waiting room when we arrived. CNN was playing on a TV quietly in the corner. I pushed hunger and tiredness out of my head to try and savor the moment. Nancy and I joked a bit while we waited.

The nurse finally called for us and a second couple. The female half of the second couple was clearly not as comfortable as Nancy was. I bet the other husband that my wife would deliver faster than his wife. The nurse led us back to our room and told Nancy to undress and get in bed. The room was larger than a typical hospital room. It had a rocking chair and a couch that converted into an uncomfortable bed. There were a few foreign pieces of medical equipment around, and a computer monitor that
would keep an eye on contractions, hear rates, blood pressures and such.

By 6:00 they hooked Nancy up to the machine that goes “Ping” and started her IV. The medicine she got was called Pitocin (Pit-OH-sin). The computer showed regular contractions even before the medicine was introduced.

Then we waited.

By 8:00 the contractions were regular. About four every seven minutes. Nancy couldn’t feel any of it though. It isn’t that she got any drugs, she’s just Wonder Woman. Our doctor came in and broke the water. This is the point of no return. When the water breaks, you have 24 hours to deliver a baby. Nancy still felt nothing.

During this time, our friend Carrie (sorry if I spelled it wrong)stopped by and visited and was pretty much amazed that Nancy was not feeling anything. She was doing word searches and reading. Daytime TV is pretty awful, so we ended up listening to N.P.R, and bluegrass c.d.s.

Around 1:00, Marnie and Daniel brought me some lunch. Mmmmm Cuban sandwich from Roly Poly. Around this time, Nancy was starting to feel a little uncomfortable. I got into bed with her around 2:00 and napped for about an hour. By three, she was miserable. I asked her if she wanted some pain medicine, and Nancy said calmly, “I may ask the nurse for a little something the next time she stops in.”

Nancy would have made an excellent Spartan. I immediately called the desk and said, it’s time to call for some pain meds. I knew if Nancy was asking for relief, it had to be pretty bad. The nurse came in and decided Nancy needed the epidural and put in a page to anesthesia. There was a high census at the hospital, so it would be about an hour. The longest hour in the history of creation.

Continued tomorrow

Labor & Delivery

Isaac Eve

It's midnight the night before. I'm starting to get tired, so I will try to sleep in a few minutes.

I got an e-mail from some one whocompared the whole birthing experience to taking a hit of L.S.D.

I will paraphrase.

"You know your next 24 hours are going to be all crazy and weird, and when you get through to the other side you'll have in some way changed from the person you once where. You wait and wait for it to begin. It should happen soon, but it's taking forever.

All of a sudden it hits you, there is the car ride, the hospital, the birth, the phone calls, the visitors...all happening at the speed of light...and finally things settle down and you are a different person."


Oh boy.....here we go.

Big Matt

Three to Get Ready, Now Go Cat Go! (CTL 24)

Countdown to Laughter

Issue 24

There is definitely a high level of weirdness around the house. Nancy and I are both wired tonight. I wanted to go to sleep early since I have to get up early tomorrow to go to the dentist, and will definitely be getting up around 4:00 in the morning Friday.

For some reason, Nancy took down all the family pictures in the hall. To make room for when we get pictures of Isaac. It’s 11:30 at night, and she is clearing wall space. Evidently the pictures of Isaac will be back from Sears by Saturday.

I suggested that if she was going to do some nesting, make it something useful. That explains why I am far away from her right now.

I’m sure the next 48 hours will be a blur.

48 hours from now I will be a parent. I talked to my buddy Danny tonight, and he asked if I was nervous. I wasn’t at the time, but I am a little bit now.

I had several goofy funny things on my mind to write about, but they are all gone now. By this time Friday I will be responsible for a baby.

Tomorrow, I will wake up early, have breakfast, go to the dentist, go to work, have dinner with Nancy and our friends Marnie and Daniel, and then go to sleep.

5:30 in the morning, Friday, we leave as two, return as three. I’m not scared, just excited.

One funny thing that happened this weekend. I had a dream on Saturday night that was unusual. I dreamt that Women’s Hospital’s delivery floor was in fact a “Star Wars Battlefront” video game level. The whole hospital was overrun with Stormtroopers, and I had to capture the majority of the nursing station in the building before they would let Nancy deliver. I spent the whole dream chasing down Stormtroopers, while Nancy yelled at me to hurry up, and capture all the bases. Weird.

In all seriousness, if I don’t have a chance to write tomorrow, please take a moment or two on Friday and pray for Nancy. If you aren’t the type who prays, just take a minute to think about us. Pray that we are at peace, and that we feel the presence of God, mother/father of us all. Pray for Isaac, for safe passage. Pray that Nancy will find previously unknown strength. Thank you.

Finally, we did our last ultrasound a few days ago. Just a few thoughts. His heart is pumping away. As far as I can tell, he’s in the right position. (Head first, facing the right way) His head is about roughly 11 cm in diameter (4.5 inches). I checked last night. That’s going to be a tight squeeze. There is less than an inch between his foot and the outside world. When we looked, his foot was flat against the front wall.

I’d been thinking about buying cigars. I remember when my cousin Andy was born, my uncle Johnny bought a box of cigars (I think in the hospital gift shop). I remembered thinking how cool that was to be able to pass out cigars. I also recall that he got in a little trouble with my aunt for buying a whole box. I want to buy some, but I work with all women at a heart surgeon’s office, so I’d probably just end up giving them to the youth at the church. I think Johnny’s box was eventually given away at a family Christmas gift exchange years later.

The few people I know who do smoke cigars would instantly know that they were cheap, and would think so much less of me. They’d stroke their thick beards, cluck their tongues and say, “Whatever shall we do with this Matt Cravey”. What a bunch of assholes.

Nancy has rearranged the pictures and is now slowly explaining to the dog that the baby is coming soon.

No sleep tonight.

Big Matt

Speedbumps with a Side of Mac and Cheese (CTL 23)

Countdown to Laughter

Issue 23

I spent about an hour on Friday night looking online for birth announcements. It was mostly duckies and lambs and such. I was hoping for “Planet of the Apes”, “Pulp Fiction”, or “Rocky Horror” motifs, but no dice.

We are negotiating theoretical arrival and departure times for both sets of grandparents. I think it’s one of those things that you can only plan so far, and then you just have to see how it goes when it happens. Nancy has decided that if we make it to Friday, that we are calling the hospital before we leave, because if they don’t have a room, she can have her mental breakdown at home, instead of in the lobby of Women’s Hospital.

Partly for fun, partly out of boredom, but mostly because I am married to the most patient woman in the world, we’ve spent most of the last two nights walking and looking for bumpy roads in Greensboro. We drove around a couple of shopping centers and apartment complexes looking for speed bumps.

Also we bought some pineapple, Kraft Macaroni and Cheese, and A-1 sauce. Nancy ate about a half pound of pineapple (a home induction food), almost the entire box of Mac and cheese, and about a third of the bottle of A-1. She did draw the line at Castor oil, but said she would reconsider if we got bumped on Friday.

We are planning on having our last dinner as childfree adults Thursday night at Liberty Oak.

We went and saw March of the Penguins on Monday night. Penguins are beautiful and incredibly goofy at the same time. It’s a great movie, and a time to meditate on reproduction in general. I found it comforting that these weird little birds still manage to reproduce despite being in one of the harshest environments on the planet. Their instincts take over, and somehow they know exactly how to care for their young. I don’t understand why Batman hates them so much.

If a penguin can do it, we probably can too.

Big Matt