Speedbumps with a Side of Mac and Cheese (CTL 23)

Countdown to Laughter

Issue 23

I spent about an hour on Friday night looking online for birth announcements. It was mostly duckies and lambs and such. I was hoping for “Planet of the Apes”, “Pulp Fiction”, or “Rocky Horror” motifs, but no dice.

We are negotiating theoretical arrival and departure times for both sets of grandparents. I think it’s one of those things that you can only plan so far, and then you just have to see how it goes when it happens. Nancy has decided that if we make it to Friday, that we are calling the hospital before we leave, because if they don’t have a room, she can have her mental breakdown at home, instead of in the lobby of Women’s Hospital.

Partly for fun, partly out of boredom, but mostly because I am married to the most patient woman in the world, we’ve spent most of the last two nights walking and looking for bumpy roads in Greensboro. We drove around a couple of shopping centers and apartment complexes looking for speed bumps.

Also we bought some pineapple, Kraft Macaroni and Cheese, and A-1 sauce. Nancy ate about a half pound of pineapple (a home induction food), almost the entire box of Mac and cheese, and about a third of the bottle of A-1. She did draw the line at Castor oil, but said she would reconsider if we got bumped on Friday.

We are planning on having our last dinner as childfree adults Thursday night at Liberty Oak.

We went and saw March of the Penguins on Monday night. Penguins are beautiful and incredibly goofy at the same time. It’s a great movie, and a time to meditate on reproduction in general. I found it comforting that these weird little birds still manage to reproduce despite being in one of the harshest environments on the planet. Their instincts take over, and somehow they know exactly how to care for their young. I don’t understand why Batman hates them so much.

If a penguin can do it, we probably can too.

Big Matt