The "F" Word and other Isaacs (CTL 13)

Countdown to Laughter

Issue 13

First off I want to apologize for using the “F” word in the last issue. Nancy informed me of some of the baby etiquette rules when it comes to using the “F” word. Evidently the rules about the “F” word are similar to the rules about the “N” word. Don’t ever call someone else’s baby “Fussy”. I apologize to all involved.

Nancy and I agree that Max knows something is going on. He became very defensive before we moved to our new house. (Just ask our friend and realtor John, who nicknamed our Dog ‘Sybil’ after witnessing one of these mood swings first hand.) This morning I called him to get some medicine and he wouldn’t come. When I went to give it to him, he barked at me and ran off. I explained to him who the top dog was in this house (For the dog’s sake, Nancy let it be me) by barking loudly back at him, calling him ‘Motherfussy’, and reminding him of how ‘Old Yeller’ ended. He’s back to his normal laid back self, and we will give him the benefit of the doubt that he is just anxious about his impending demotion to ‘family pet’.

Nancy has been feeling contractions at least a few times a day now. She’s also uncomfortable sitting, standing, lying, or walking, but she really is being a trooper. She offered to go with me to a funeral tomorrow. I explained that it was probably going to be very crowded, hot, and we would probably have to be at the church an hour and a half before the service started, but she still said she’d go. I finally told her I didn’t think it would be a good idea for her to go, and she seemed relieved. I’m so lucky to be married to a woman who was willing be that uncomfortable just to be there for me.

She is definitely ready for the baby to come. My sister recommend two tablespoons of Castor Oil mixed with Kool Aid or Khalua. One caveat for this method is that you need to make sure there is a toilet near by.

Another friend suggested hooking her up to the automatic milking machine we talked about earlier. Fool the body into thinking the baby was already born….

“What the hell? The baby is already outside? Well what’s this thing I’ve been carrying all this time?”

Finally I need a little audience participation. During the baby dedication at the church, our pastor usually mentions famous people who have the same name as the baby. (In this case Isaac)

What I need from you all is some famous Isaacs.

I have a list of four so far.

1)The Bible Isaac

2)Isaac Hayes

3)Isaac Newton

4) Isaac Green (Although most of you don’t know him, his birthday parties were the stuff of legends with the class of 1992 in Alachua county, so he is sort of famous.)

Any others?

Finally, thanks to Mike Bauman for finding the song “Laughing Place” online and downloading it for me. It will be Isaac’s theme song I’m just sure of it.

Big Matt