Dr. Howard, Dr. Fine, Dr. Howard ( CTL 8)

Countdown to Laughter

Issue 8

We met our pediatrician today, and in case any of you are wondering, Goofus and Gallant are still having wacky adventures after all these years as reported by Highlights magazine. The office waiting room has the standard issue fish tank and really bitchin little wooden train set (You know that really expensive kind, so you know this is a good office.)

One of benefits of being pregnant is all the free shit you get. You can get all kinds of free samples of diapers, formula (which is not bad in coffee), band aids, you name it. Naturally I was stoked when I saw a big box in the office filled with blue bags labeled, “Parenting.com Young Family Kit” I grabbed one and although it seemed a little thin, there was definitely something solid with a little mass to it. Maybe it would be a free sample of gin!!!!

Nope. It’s a little tiny box of “Tiger Power” cereal. I don’t think this cereal is going to make it in the crowded market. It’s basically a slightly sweeter tasting “triple loop” version of cheerios. There is only four times as much packaging as cereal. That was the only thing in the bag. I’m starting to think that maybe this “Young Family Kit” isn’t about helping my family get a head start, but in reality is about selling dry ass cereal shape vaguely like tiger foot prints.

Dr. Young seemed like a very nice fellow. He was a big fan of breasts (What guy isn’t?), and we spent quite a while talking about foreskins. (That is my second favorite name for a band. Big Matt and the Four skins. My first is Oedipus and the Mothers.)

As far as I’m concerned, I’m sold on this guy.

Here comes the science…. Dr. Young explained a bit about milk production today, and it’s pretty damn cool. Nipple stimulation sends hormones to the brain. These hormones tell the brain, “Hey it’s feeding time….Time to use these things for something other than selling cars.”. The brain then releases another hormone that floats back down to the hoo hahs and tells them to make with the leche. Only problem is this can take from 3-5 days to really work well (some books say a couple of weeks). Well there are two things to keep the child from starving while waiting. First, there is an extra layer of fat around the brain and heart that can keep a newborn going for a while. Secondly, there is a thick fluid called colostrum (Alex, could you check the spelling on that for me?) that comes out initially that is chock full of good stuff for babies, including stuff that helps activate the immune system. Cool huh?

Nancy went to the O.B GYN Kenobie today and didn’t get any new news. She is a little frustrated that the main measurement they take is the “Belly”, and not two of the doctors have measured it the same way. This seems like such an archaic way of doing things. From what we understand, the belly measurement does not always reflect how big the child is.

Nancy has decided she’s ready for the baby, but not this weekend. I’ll tell you why next letter.

Big Matt