Orange Kit Kats and Borders (CTL 12)

Countdown to Laughter

Issue 12

Well of the three couples we were supposed to have dinner with, only one made it. The others all had fussy babies. Our friends Jamie and Shawna brought over little Riley last night who is almost eight weeks old. I can’t believe we will have something like that living in our house in a little while.

Riley is adorable. She had a shock of brown hair and beautiful blues eyes. She spends most of her time quietly taking note of everything and comparing it all to the place she lived a couple of months ago. She got the hiccups while the rest of us were eating dinner. The dog looked mildly curious, but when it turned out the baby didn’t have any bread, he wandered off. This is a good sign as far as Nancy and I are concerned. The cats were on their best behavior hoping maybe that our friends would adopt them and feed them something more palatable than two cups of Purina Fat Cat food a day.

Nancy has found a new best candy in the whole world. We discovered it by chance at the new Walgreen’s up the street. Orange Kit Kats. They are regular Kit Kats without a bit of chocolate on them. Instead, they are coated in a fluorescent orange waxy substance similar to that white chocolate crap. Oh yeah and they taste like oranges in the same way banana Laffy Taffy tastes like bananas. Nancy could eat a whole bag in one sitting. Just ask the usher who had to clean the theater we saw Charlie and The Chocolate Factory in on Sunday.

We went to Borders last night, and just for fun I went to check out the parenting books, hoping to find something remotely interesting or cool for the new dad to be. No luck there. I did see one book that was the “KISS Guide to Parenting”. I hoped it was by Gene Simmons, but it turned out that KISS was an acronym for Keep It Simple Stupid. It was a knock off of the “Books for Dummies”

Another thing that I found in the parenting book section is that many celebrities have written books about parenting, because no one raises a better child than celebrities you know. 90’s footnote Jenny McCarthy has two books. A woman who’s claim to fame was posing in Playboy and being the “Vanna White” on an MTV dating show has written two books about parenting. Do people actually buy this shit? Seriously. I am trying to think of the scenario when someone would walk into a book store and walk past all of the other books and somehow walk out of the store after paying for one of the Jenny McCarthy parenting books.

“Lets see….Paris Hilton hasn’t written a book about parenting yet. Is there someone with the same amount of talent who I could turn to for advice about raising my child in this cruel world?”

Okay I’ll admit it. There haven’t been any huge insights about parenting today, so I ended up rambling about Orange Kit Kats and Jenny McCarthy…..they can’t all be winners.

Big Matt