He's not Retarded, He's Gifted (CTL 22)

Countdown to Laughter

Issue 22

This is probably our last weekend as Dinks, and so we made the most of it. I hit the beer festival, Nancy went out with some friends for dinner, and we went and saw “Mad Hot Ballroom” together.

I’ve been trying to convince Nancy to consider delivering the baby at a retail store like Target or Costco. The resulting publicity would be great for the store, and we would probably get free stuff for life. For some reason she would prefer to deliver at Women’s Hospital.

A friend e-mailed us a poem Saturday, and I’d like to share it with you.

Fear not, the time is coming

Fear not, your bones are strong

Fear not, help is nearby

Fear not, Gula (God) is near

Fear not, the baby is at the door

Fear not, he will live to bring you honor

Fear not, the hands of the midwife (doctor) are clever

Fear not, the earth is beneath you

Fear not, we have water and salt

Fear not, little mother

Fear not, mother of us all!

I am hoping against all genetic likelihood, that Isaac has at least a modicum of athletic ability. Nancy’s sports history involves a brief stint on a bowling team and a cheerleading squad in middle school. My lack of athletic skills as a child is legendary and the most embarrassing stories are as much a part of my family’s Christmas traditions as the turkey and tree.

Learning to ride a bike was an exercise in humiliation and pain. One of the neighbors actually came out and yelled at my folks, because he thought my folks were abusing me. Nope, just making them proud with my keen sense of balance.

My family’s all time favorite story though is from when I played for the Baskin Robbins soccer team. The ball would occasionally roll near me, completely unafraid of being hurt in anyway by the boy squatting on the field playing with ants. The punch line to the story is that the coach pulled my parents aside in asked them in all seriousness if I was retarded. The reply, “Nope. He’s in the gifted program”.

My brother in law Ryan loves that story.

I hope that Isaac has the ability to catch a damn ball.

One last thing, we got another e-mail from a friend who told us she is pregnant now as well. I’m not saying who, I’ll just let the rumors run wild. Have fun!

Big Matt