More Tweetsie Pictures

Out in the Boonies (HOL 80)

House of Laughter 80

Isaac is becoming more reliable about telling us when he needs to “spill”. The ritual involves a brisk, heated discussion between Nancy and I about who’s turn it is to take him, and then I take him to the nearest Men’s room. Isaac and I head for the largest empty stall, and without fail, as soon as I lock the door, Isaac has both hands gripping the toilet seat. It doesn’t matter how filthy the bathroom is, he feels compelled to touch the toilet seat with both hands. Nancy has seen him cross his arms and put his head down on it as well.

He should have a pretty damned healthy immune system by now.

We took a small vacation last weekend to Boone, NC ( For non-North Carolinians, it’s up in the mountains. There is a college there called Appalachian State. They are very proud of a recent “Football Championship.” As Florida Gator fans, we thought it was just adorable.) We spent most of Saturday at a small theme park called “Tweetsie Railroad” (Motto: Fun for ages 2-8).

The park is supposed to remind you of an old frontier town out west in the 1800’s that just happens to have a lot of carnival rides. The star attraction of the park is an old coal fired train that takes a 30 minute ride through the woods and canyons around the mountain. There are two stops where poorly microphoned teenagers dressed as cowboys and Indians shoot cap guns at each other until a middle aged guy rides in on a horse and fires a shotgun. They have also peppered the railway with life size fiberglass animals to try and distract from all of the tacky showiness of “Nature” all around.

We had to ride it twice.

The other highlight of the day was the chair lift up the side of the mountain which I would guess was built just before the first personal injury lawsuit was ever filed. I think Nancy was truly terrified.

Isaac petted the goats, deer, and emus at the petting farm. He rode the go-karts, and jets. He even rode the Tilt a Whirl and Scrambler rides. We watched a magic show, and the “World Famous” Tweetsie cloggers.

After a busy, fun day, we went back to the hotel for some well deserved rest. It wasn’t until about 1:00 a.m. that the non-stop uncontrollable screaming began. Thankfully it only lasted about 40 minutes. The screaming at 3:00 a.m. went on for almost an hour. Why was Isaac screaming? Was he in an unfamiliar place? Was he scared of Caucasian teens dressed in stereotypical Native American clothing and war paint yelling garbled insults at him?

Any question asked of him resulted in an angry “No!” and an intensified round of screaming. We don’t know for sure, but we suspect he may have had slight abdominal discomfort from not crapping for four days.

He doesn’t like sitting on public toilets you know….those things are disgusting!

Strength and Honor

Big Matt

No Free Toys on Sunday Either! (HOL 79)

House of Laughter 79

Thank you to all the people who ask me if I am still blogging. I’ve started to write several entries in the last month, but am either uninspired, or read what I wrote and feel like such a whiner. The other main reason I haven’t written is that we are in the transition to real underpants. Now don’t get me wrong, there is plenty of drama, suspense, tragedy, and hilarious body functions when it comes to Isaac wearing his new underwear, but A) I hate it when other people talk about their kids or animals crapping and B) All of the pervs on the internet googling terms like “underwear” and “poop” could end up here, and that is just creepy.

We had a lovely weekend. On Thursday night, Nancy and I got a babysitter and went to see the new play at Triad Stage called “Bloody Blackbeard” Evidently the sitter read the Dr. Seuss story about the Scary Green pants, because that is one of his new favorites. It’s a goofy little story about a pair on uninhabited green pants that are a little scary at first, but turn out to be okay once you get to know them. When I read it, I try to make it as scary and serious as possible, and Isaac loves it.

Friday night, we went to a friends house for a little party. We arrived around six, and the party was mostly breaking up by 8:00 because many of the attendees have children. I remember when we used to be fun….

Saturday morning we went and worked around the church for a couple of hours, and when we were done, we went downtown to “Chik-Fil-A” because they were having “Superhero Day”. We met Ironman and Hulk out in front of the restaurant. There were comic book posters decorating the walls, and a spider web with your friendly neighborhood spiderman hanging from it. Up near the registers there was a basket of candy, a box of free comic books, and a large plastic tub filled with dollar store bric-a-brac adorned with comic book characters. There were coloring books, kites, masks, and other small treats. The other kids in the restaurant were helping themselves to the toys. I told Isaac if he finished his meal, he could pick out a treat as well. He finished his meal, and we went up to the bucket to pick out a treat, and the woman behind the counter said “You can’t take those.”

“Excuse me?”

“I don’t know what they are doing with them. I think they are having a drawing or something.”

“Every other kid who has been here has taken something out of this basket. There aren’t any signs or anything, and it’s sitting on the floor right next to the box of free comics!” My voice raised slightly, and Nancy started to get embarrassed. There were maybe a dozen people in the store. I told Isaac loudly, “Sorry buddy, you aren’t allowed to get a treat, the other kids were, but not you.”

“Well he can have some candy from on top of the table”

“I don’t want to accidentally pick something he can’t have.” At this point, Nancy is heading for the door. A kid sheepishly offered Isaac a package of Batman candy and we left. As we left, the employees were hiding the basket of treats under a table.

We walked down Elm street to Triad Stage. They were having “Pirate Day”. In addition to “Bloody Blackbeard”, they are doing a kid’s show called “Redbeard’s School for Pirates”. They had pirate related activities, a story teller, music, people in elaborate pirate costumes, and we got to go show Isaac the really incredible “Shipwreck” set from “Blackbeard”.

In case you are wondering, no we didn’t have a camera for any of the above. The day just unfolded, and it’s just as well I didn’t have a camera, as I would have been worried about trying to “capture” the moment instead of living in it.

After church Sunday, we went to some friends’ house for lunch, and since it was Father’s day, I got to pick what we did for the afternoon. We went to Celebration Station and played mini-golf, and rode Go-Karts. Isaac and I rode the two person Kart, and that was really the highlight of my day. He was both terrified and excited all at the same time, and for just a few minutes it was crystal clear what it meant to be a father. Even though he was scared, he was still having the time of his life because he was sitting next to his Daddy. I’m not Ironman, or Chewbacca, or even Edna Turnblad, but he was elated to be riding with me, because he knew we were driving fast and wild, but I wouldn’t let him get hurt.

I didn’t need a camera to remember that moment for the rest of my life.

We finished the day by going to see “The Incredible Hulk” movie. Near the end of the movie, Hulk fights with a giant monster called “Abomination” in the comic books. Nancy was confused when Isaac was summarizing the movie later and said “Hulk was fighting a Rancor Monster.”

I explained to Nancy that the Rancor was the monster that lived under Jabba the Hutt’s throne room. “He came up with that on his own?” I nodded semi-proudly. Nancy said “Our poor son will never have a date or get married.” Later I confided to him, “Just find a really cute smart girl who doesn’t know how cute or smart she is. It worked for your old man.”

Strength and Honor.

Big Matt