Must Use Spell Check (HoL 19)

Well little “Helmet Head” seems to be going on with life as usual. Thanks again for all the e-mails and calls. I think things are as normal as can be with a baby in the house.

Last night, I went out with some friends to a film festival at U.N.C.G. I really love short independent films, and so Nancy was okay with me going out to the movies three nights in a row, because there isn’t really any other time of year when I can see films like these.

At about 9:30, my buddies and I were 20 minutes into a documentary about barbecue in the Carolinas, and my friend Daniel’s cell phone vibrates. He leans over and whispers, “Matt, your wife is calling”. I had turned my phone off partly out of habit being in a theater, and partly (as it was later pointed out to me) because I’m the biggest idiot in the whole wide world. You don’t ever turn off your phone if you have a baby. I excused myself from the theater to call home. I assumed Nancy wanted me to pick something up on the way home, or was checking to see how late I would be.

I wandered out of the student union so my cell phone would get a signal. I called home and heard a screaming baby, and a garbled Nancy imploring me to come home. I couldn’t tell if the baby was sick, or Osama bin Laden had showed up at the house because Isaac was screaming so loud. I told my friends I had to leave and sprinted across the U.N.C.G. campus to my truck which was parked at the church. (Okay to be fair, I ran halfway across the commons area in front of the student union before my pants started to fall down, I grew short of breath and developed chest pains….but I did walk the rest of the way pretty quickly.)

I got into the truck and turned north on Aycock street heading towards home. I called Nancy again to let her know I was on the way. This time there was still a lot of screaming on the baby's part, but I pieced together that he had been screaming for over an hour and wouldn’t sleep or eat or be comforted. She didn’t know if it was the helmet, or his earache, or something else, but she had come to the end of her rope.

I hit every red light between Walker Avenue and Martinsville, and screeched to a halt in front of the house. I composed myself before I went in. I thought, “Nancy is at her wits end, I need to be calm.” I walked in and the boy was screaming and crying. The look on Nancy’s face told me that this had been going on for a while. I fixed him a bowl of oatmeal and a bottle, and slowly and patiently fed him. He was still screaming, but I kept feeding him. It took a while, but he eventually fell asleep.

When I finally got him settled and emerged from the nursery, there was a volatile mix of moods in the house. Nancy was tired from a couple of bad nights with the boy, frazzled from an hour and a half of the boy screaming and her worrying, and a little embarrassed for calling me and making me rush home. I was a little miffed for having to come home early, pretty cocky for being able to calm the boy down, and a bit amused at the whole situation. The smart thing would have been for neither of us to say a word, but to go to sleep right then, and never mention the incident again. That didn’t happen.

Eventually Nancy did go to bed and gave me permission to go back to watch the rest of the films. I considered it, although I knew going back was a bad idea. Even the dog looked at me as if to say, “Don’t be an idiot.” I ended up tending to the boy and going to bed around 1:00.

Nancy and I went to the festival tonight and saw the documentary Bright Leaves. The filmmaker intertwined home movies into his film about the history of tobacco in North Carolina. At one point he wonders out loud about the purpose of home movies, and suggests that one day when he is long gone, his own son, might watch old home movies to try to learn about what kind of person his dad was.

When I heard that, I couldn’t help but imagine an adult Isaac reading these letters trying to make sense of what kind of people his parents were. What if he keeps these and shows his own children? I must admit I am a little humbled at the prospect of these words possibly lasting longer than I do. (Just to clarify, I’m not sick or anything. I just had an epiphany is all.)

It’s 12:30. Time for me to go to sleep. Isaac is coming down with a second chest cold, and Nancy is ready for a big house cleaning tomorrow, so I need my rest.

Strength and Honor

Big Matt