The Haircut (HOL 55)

House of Laughter 55

At least twice a day last week, different patients have asked me, “Are you ready for Christmas?” I know it’s meant to be a casual “chit chat” type question, but what does it mean? I assume it means “Have you done all of your shopping?” Since Nancy does most of the shopping for family, this isn’t really relevant to me. I don’t think they mean “Is your heart prepared for the birth of the Christ child?”. I would be happy to answer that question, but don’t think my employer would appreciate evangelism in the exam rooms. Other than my crankiness about being bombarded with the mantra “BUY BUY BUY”, I’m having a great time with Christmas.

Nancy is a little high strung. We’ve had church parties, work parties, and school parties. We are making “Sock Monkeys” for our nephew and nieces. Nancy spent two days baking. Did I mention the 16 month old child running around the house? Sometimes you have to change his diaper two or three times a day!

Growing up, we had a saying, “If Momma aint happy, nobody is happy.” I asked Nancy what she still needed to do. She listed about a half a dozen other things she felt needed to be done by next Friday. One of the things that still had to be done was Christmas cards. I assured her that if out of town folks didn’t get a card from us, Christmas would still come. As far as a Christmas letter, anybody with internet access gets weekly updates on how we are doing.

Chances are you won’t get a card from the Craveys. We still like you, but the cards were becoming a source of stress so they were eliminated.

I must confess I’ve developed a low grade case of “Christmas Crazy” in searching for one particular toy for Isaac. I saw in the K-mart ad today a “Mega-Blocks School Bus” for about $10. Isaac loves Mega Blocks and is crazy about the school buses at his daycare, so this was perfect. We drove out to the last K-mart in Greensboro, and they didn’t have one. Later tonight we went to Ross. They didn’t have the bus either, but I did find an awesome Tupac Shakur “Makavelli” T-shirt with sequins and rhinestones in a 2T size for five bucks. (If you have ever wondered what sort of things Nancy vetoes…..the Tupac T-shirt was one of them) I’m trying not to obsess, but I do understand that type of crazy now.

Isaac got his first haircut tonight. He sat on my lap eating cookies while the hair dresser worked her magic. The girls in the store fawned all over him. He never once got upset. His mother was a little upset by how old it made him look. After his haircut, the stylist asked me if I wanted a trim. I politely declined and told her that I had a haircut two weeks ago. She suggested a "neck trim" (This sounds like a service offered by one of the "Spas" on Lee street.) She warned me that I didn't want to have a "Hairy Neck" for Christmas. She was right. I couldn't bear to face my family with two weeks worth of hair on my neck. It would pretty much ruin the holiday. Now I can go out in public without having to wear a turtleneck of scarf.

Strength and Honor
Big Matt

You Would Cry Too if it Happened to You (HOL 54)

House of Laughter 54

I am very sorry if you missed our church’s Christmas party for children at our house last Friday night, because it will never happen again as long as I am still alive. It may happen after I accidentally overdose on Xanax, or if Nancy marries a better Daddy for Isaac, but it is not happening again on my watch.

Everything started okay. The kids were a little wild, but I believe that kids need to let loose every now and then. About the time I discovered two children had pulled the utility room door off the track, Isaac had a meltdown. We hit his bedtime, and he hadn’t napped much that day. I took Isaac back to our bedroom and tried to calm him down in our bed. Each time Isaac fell asleep, a child would scream, the dog would bark, or a door would slam, and he would wake up angrier than ever.

I promised Isaac that if he acted like some of the children at the party, he would get a spanking. I love Isaac very much, but he needs to be just a little afraid of me.

I actually had a pretty smart moment of discipline this week, and I’m a little proud of myself. When Isaac is done with a meal, he throws what is left of his meal on the ground. I’ve scolded him, taken the food away, and even popped him on his hand, nothing seemed to work. During “Second Breakfast” Monday morning, he started throwing Cheerios on the ground. I let him throw them, and when he had thrown them all, I made him pick up every single one, and give them to me. It took much longer than had I just let the dog come and eat them, but at least he may connect his action with the consequence. The next day he only through two, and I made him pick them up. This morning, nothing was thrown.

Monday night we took Isaac out to Castle McCullough to see the Christmas lights. Castle McCullough is an old Gold Mine shaped like a Scottish castle where they have weddings and Renaissance festivals. This year they had a Christmas trail with lights, elves, choirs, magic Christmas trees, Santa….the whole Meghilla. Isaac insisted on walking most of it by himself. It was like a big haunted house, except you thought someone was going to jump out and hug you. The path wound through the castle, through the “Electric Mariachi” room, and out back to where the creepy guy in the Grinch costume in kept asking kids if their “Mommies were Pretty”.

The Grinch asked Isaac if “his Daddy married his Mommy because she was so pretty?”. I looked him in the eye and said, I knocked her up, she was starting to show, and people were asking questions.” The Grinch realized he was in over his head, and moved on to harass the next family.

We all had a great time though.

Speaking of Christmas, Isaac received an incredible camel hair vest from our friend Roland Russoli who is visiting the U.S. from Mongolia for a couple of weeks. We will get a picture of him in it on the next post. (No, it doesn’t still smell like camel.)

Strength and Honor,

Big Matt

P.S. We saw the Christmas play “Beautiful Star” at Triad Stage on Sunday afternoon. It is an incredible show, and features some original and some very old Appalachian Christmas music. I know December is busy, but if you make the time to see this show, you won’t be disappointed.

Soon it will be Christmas Day (HOL 53)

House of Laughter 53

I just finished reading Isaac’s bedtime story “Stellaluna”. I am really amazed by how much it seems he has learned in the last few days. His newest word is “Shoe”. Whenever I take off his shoes, I yell “Goodbye Shoes!....Have you ever seen anybody say ‘Goodbye’ to a pair of shoes before?” (This is a really obscure Simpsons reference.)

Nancy and I were both shocked when at the dinner table a couple of days ago, he made the sign for “More”. We thought we had a prodigy on our hands, since only one of our friends has taught their daughter sign language. It turns out they have been teaching him a few signs at daycare. His teacher told me that at lunch time they have a semi-circle of high chairs with hungry children all doing the “More” sign urgently as the food trays are passed out.

Isaac has also started following directions. Tonight I told him to put his clothes in the hamper, and he went and did it. I’m working on teaching him to go fetch my paper in the morning and making a perfect gin and tonic.

Nancy is in the other room preparing for our church’s children’s Christmas party. Nobody told me, but it turns out that it is going to be at our house….tomorrow night. Nancy’s expectation is that I show up and help. My expectation is that I go do anything else away from the house. Barring that, hiding in my office with a 6 pack of beer, X-box and a sign on the door warning of “Avian Flu”.

Isaac has been really enjoying all of the Christmas “stuff”. He sat through the Moravian Love feast. He really liked the candles at the end. We also took him to the Greensboro Christmas parade last weekend, which totally blew away the University of Florida homecoming parade.

The Greensboro parade had bands, shriners, camels, a giant motorized shopping cart (in honor of the birth of our Lord), and big “Macy’s” style balloons. It was a pretty windy day and there were several times that I thought a sudden gust was going to cause a giant inflatable “Gumby” or “Betty Boop” to take out my family.

Before the parade on Saturday, my buddy Darryl McMullen came and took some Christmas pictures for us. Most of what you see above are his work.

Well Nancy has moved in to the office to exercise. I can’t write while her trainer “Mya” is yelling at her.

Strength and Honor

Big Matt