The Dog of Peace (HOL 85)

House of Laughter 85

Last Wednesday night at two fifty a.m., I woke up to, “click click click click….pause…..click click…..pause….click…..click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click..pause…click click…pause.” I stumble out of bed, and politely ask our dog Max to “Pick a damn place to lie down already!”

In the interest of keeping my marriage together I decided to go get the dog’s nails trimmed the next day. For those of you who don’t have a dog, you have to be very careful trimming their nails or else you could cut the “quick” which causes blood to exit from the dog’s foot all over your floor.

For a couple of bucks, the folks at Petsmart will perform this potentially unsavory task for you. Isaac, Max, and I get in the pick up truck Thursday after work and head to the shopping center. I put Max on a leash, and as I am unloading Isaac from his car seat, I hear vicious barking. I look in the next row of parked cars and I see a sedan with a man, a small boy and a pit-bull (a.k.a “The Dogs of Peace”) as passengers. The pit bull has seen Max and is barking wildly at us and frantically jumping around the car.

Isaac Max and I go into Pet Smart and head to the grooming area. There is a small 4 x 12 foot waiting area separated from the grooming area by a low wall. They take Max to the first table about three feet away where Isaac and I can watch. The clipping is proceeding just fine when in walks the man, his son, and the wildly aggressive “Dog of Peace”, now straining against a leash, and barking loudly incessantly at my son, Max, myself, the cash register, the groomers, anything and anyone is a target of this dog’s wrath. Isaac grabs my hand and wedges himself between me and the wall. We are pretty much pinned in this small waiting area while the owner fills out paper work. The “dog of peace” is between us and the door, otherwise we would have bolted.

One of the groomers tries to take the pit bull back to the grooming area. The woman clipping Max’s nails puts her back to the dog to block it’s view, but as soon as the little gate is open, the dog lunges, barking at Max, and then get out of it’s collar!

My mind immediately thought “I have a Leatherman tool in my pocket. If the dog is going to attack, I do not have time to get it out and unfolded. If I do, what tool would I pick? Would I use the file? After the dog eats my Leatherman and my hand, what next? Clearly the Leatherman tool…..not the way to go. If he tries to bite, I will put Isaac up on the counter and grab the fire extinguisher from the wall and use that to defend myself.”

As my mind was vividly re-imagining the end of Jaws with a pit bull in place of a Great White Shark the dog’s owner managed to get the collar back on him. Isaac was definitely freaked out now, and I was a little myself.

After two more attempts, they managed to guide “Bitey” back to the back room. Isaac and I grabbed Max and slipped out. Only later from across the store did I see a store manager firmly but politely explains something to the dog owner who left with what I guess is a still dirty dog.

We still aren’t a hundred percent sure what Isaac is going to be for Halloween, but right now, we are thinking “Albert the Alligator” (mmmmm Buckeyes..) He has at different times asked to be a pirate with a sword, an ant eater, a cowboy with a hat, a lamp, a tiger, a spider and a witch. Nancy shot down my idea of dressing him as Pee Wee Herman.

Once again, Isaac is obsessed with fishing. Nancy fixed Isaac’s toy fishing pole after the fateful night when one of our music minister’s kids successfully cast into a ceiling fan operating at top speed. Nancy managed to untangle about 300 feet of fishing line. Now both Isaac’s bed and our living room couch are his boats. If you go on a fishing trip with him, you have to stay completely on the bed or couch, or else you get wet. I am really impressed with how well he takes turns with his pole. He casts once, and then hands the pole to me and says, “Your turn”. He also has a rule that you have to eat whatever you catch.

Finally, tonight as we were saying our prayers, I asked Isaac if there was anyone special he would like to pray for. Only a sweet innocent child would have replied, “Julius Peppers”. (I am not making that up.)

Strength and Honor

Matt