Cleaning up the Counter (HOL 103)

House of Laughter 103

I can’t tell you how many times in the last 12 years of marriage I have had to dig through the recycle bin or the trash looking for one of the hundreds of scraps of paper that I write myself notes on through the day. Nancy seems to think that a torn edged piece of paper with a hastily scrawled list like: 1) Alligator 2) Batman 3) Coffee 4) Anteater 5) Gun 6) Zookeeper along with a half dozen other scraps of paper with similar seemingly unrelated words stacked in the middle of the kitchen counter are garbage.

Most of the time they are, but the ones with kernels of stories about Isaac are the ones I will dig through the trash to find.

I’ve recently read some of my old blogs and realize how many little moments I have forgotten, so I want to get as many in writing as possible.

1) I’ve written before about Isaac and my arriving home from work ritual, “Playing Alligator”. I change clothes, we make the bed, and then wrestle. Alligator has now evolved into a scripted play every afternoon.

Isaac: “Daddy Alligator, I’m Hungry! What is in the refrigerator?”

I look under the pillow and can’t seem to find anything.

Isaac: “Let’s go to the store!”

We then drive motorcycles, fire trucks, or trash trucks to the store where we “Shop” for all of the food we need. (Cookies, Peppers, Milk, Cheese, Dragonflies, Hamburger.) We then “Drive” back home, “Fill” the refrigerator, and I “Feed” him. Only then can the wrestling commence.

2) After much debate, we have decided that Isaac will be Batman for Halloween. I will play the Joker. Isaac and I are trying to convince Nancy that she pretty much has to dress up as Catwoman or Halloween will be ruined for everyone.

(As far as the Joker Costume goes, the makeup is fairly inexpensive, but finding a purple shirt and green vest is a little tricky, I have decided that a nurse is outfit will probably be easier to find, funnier, and let’s face it…..pretty terrifying.).

3) Nancy has mentioned Isaac’s love of Curious George on her blog. Isaac loves it when I read about how George was a “good little anteater and always very curious”. “NO!”, Isaac yells through laughter, “He is a monkey!” I think all kids love having a chance to correct an adult. I’m sure his teachers will adore this quality later on.

4) Isaac has also decided what he wants to be when he grows up. After he plays football and baseball, he is going to be a zookeeper, and Nancy and I can work at his zoo through our retirement. Luckily his old man is an alumnus from a prestigious zookeeper school. I may be able to pull some strings.

5) We drove past a wooded area near my office the other day, and I told Isaac that I sometimes walk through the woods on my lunch breaks. He asked if I carried a gun for bears. I told him, “No.” He told me, “You should go to Hollywood and buy a gun. That is where Holly lives.” I have no idea what that means either, buy it made me laugh.

6) This summer when Isaac was staying with my folks, Nancy got busted by the boy. My mother was making Isaac some chocolate milk, when he said, “Mom makes chocolate milk for herself every morning, but she calls it coffee. I know its chocolate milk though.” I guess the cartoon rabbit on the label was a tip off as well.

Strength and Honor
Big Matt

Well Dog my Cats! (HOL 102)

House of Laughter 102.

Despite the current climate of calm, rational, respectful debate about religion and politics, I don’t talk about either much on this blog. Whenever I do say anything about religion, I can’t help but feel like I set myself up to be compared as either more liberal or conservative than whoever is reading (The only people you should ever discuss religion with are the ones who hold the exact same beliefs as you. It’s better that way.) For example, if I mention my belief that God loves my gay or lesbian friends as much as anyone else, I‘m sure some people paint me into the “Hippy Dippy Southern California Anything Goes Moonbat” side of the aisle (or even worse….Methodist). If I write about God who I believe created all and lives within each of us, or Jesus who I believe to be fully human and Divine, I am relegated by some to the “Superstitious, Fundamentalist, Halloween Banning, Repeat in Unison with Fox News” side of the room (or even worse….Southern Baptist).

I like most of you are somewhere in the middle, trying to stake out my own piece of theological real estate while being influenced by people I respect on both sides of me urging me to move my family “just a little further down the street in their direction.”

What does this have to do with Coralline?

A friend of mine had warned me that Coralline was pretty intense for children. (Her two boys, older than Isaac, were scared for weeks after seeing it.) Isaac is a huge fan of “A Nightmare Before Christmas” which is in the same style and directed by the same person that created Coralline, so Nancy and I screened it to try and anticipate if it would be too intense for Isaac. Isaac has seen all of the Star Wars movies, Ironman, Fantastic Four, Willy Wonka, and a few select scenes from Indiana Jones, Jurassic Park , Lord of the Rings and Batman Returns. I watch with him, finger hovering above the fast forward button lest it get too scary. Good Guys, Bad Guys, and Heroes are really important to him right now.

Ultimately Coralline didn’t make the cut. Although there were some scary parts, and some almost nude women, I thought he could handle it. I just didn’t think he would like the story or the characters. Since I was watching the movie with Isaac, something else stuck out. Several times during the movie characters said “Oh my God!”

To be clear, I don’t think they are “Magic Words” that give God a migraine whenever they are uttered aloud. In fact, (Hypocrisy alert) I am guilty of saying the name aloud in moments of frustration or anger (including the middle initial, “H”). I have on more than one occasion slipped up and apologized to Isaac when I said it in front of him. On the rare occasion he has said it (in an exaggerated Valley Girl cadence which I’m sure he picked up at day care) a quick look from me spurs him to offer the correct “Oh my goodness….goodness!”

It seems the general consensus that “Oh my God” and “Jesus Christ” are acceptable, even in a children’s movie, while dozens of other usable scatological words and phrases still carry a forbidden aura. For those of us who take our children to church and want to teach them about our faith, what do our kids learn when we break the one rule in the Bible about swearing? When we trivialize the mystery of life, death, and all creation whenever someone in the room farts or the Panthers block a field goal (okay the second one never happens….bad example.)

Even if you don’t claim any faith, I’m sure you have experienced a moment of awe considering the millions of cells, atoms, and sub-atomic particles that had to fall together in order for you to be you, and wondered what your place in the universe is (Probably at three in the morning after watching “The Wall” laser show at the planetarium.)

I’m not calling for any movies to be banned, or shows to be cancelled. I would probably still let the boy watch Coralline if I really thought it would interest him. I don’t want to change the rest of the world.

I still think sacred cows make the best hamburger, and there are lots of colorful phrases I am looking forward to teaching the boy as he grows up (“’Bout useless as tits on a boar hog” being one of them). I want Isaac to get the feeling that there is more to existence than what we see and hear and that it is okay to be in awe. When he gets older, and can form his own ideas about what that bigger picture is, I hope his little piece of theological real estate is in the same neighborhood as mine.

Strength and Honor
Big Matt

Wet and Wild Delayed (HOL 101)

House of Laughter 101
(I started writing this in early September. I wouldn’t let myself delete it until I finished it.)
School is in and we are back on a “schedule”. I always feel mildly depressed when school starts even though it doesn’t change my work schedule at all. The big difference is that I don’t see Nancy in the morning and I have to drop Isaac off at daycare. Unlike Nancy, I’m not obsessing over my reaction to him going to kindergarten next year. Unlike some of the other children at his daycare, Isaac doesn’t cry when I drop him off.
On the way to school Isaac and I listen to music, tell stories about times we visited parks and restaurants that we pass, wonder when the new Haloween store will open, count how many sleeps until Gammy and G-Daddy come visit (three), check out the progress of the new tunnel being dug under Cone blvd, and decide what we are going to do that afternoon when I get home from work. Then I drop him off.
And I go back to a quiet truck.
And I think about how for the next eight hours I will have to pretend to be interested in cell phone plans, and gyms, and how bad people’s retirement accounts look now, and how the world is going to end because of health care reform.
And I think about Isaac yelling “Daddy!” and running to hug me and calling me to play Alligator. I consider myself fortunate to realize now how every one of these moments is a treasure.
I know there are people who don’t see the appeal in having a child. It’s like an enthusiast trying to explain a love for golf, or opera, or heroin.
Isaac and I had one last “Hurrah” for summer last weekend when we visited the local Wet and Wild. Nancy hates water parks. One of the main reasons we have a child is that I can once again go to water parks without looking like the local perv.
Water parks aren’t just about E-coli poisoning and overpriced hot dogs. There are a lot of important life lessons to be learned.
1) Stop and enjoy. We weren’t in any hurry to see everything. We rode the Lazy river three laps in a row. We also stopped and watched the riders make the crash landing at the base of the nearly vertical slide for a good deal of time.
2) Don’t obsess. When we found a slide Isaac liked, he would ride again and again, and not want to do anything else. I assured him we could come back after we explored and tried some other rides (which it turned out he liked just as well.)
3) Be brave. Isaac was a little scared to try some of the big slides, but I told him, “You only have to try it once. If you don’t like it, we won’t do it again.” The biggest slide was our favorite for the day. We ride it twice. For the smaller slides, I would help him get on the slide the first time, and gradually give him more and more freedom. With a few tries, the thing he was terrified of became a source of pride and independence.
5) How to wait in line. Instead of whining about how his feet hurt, or how long it was taking, or wanting a drink, he and I talked about what slide we would do next, look for airplanes, tell knock knock jokes, and amused each other. The lines went pretty quickly.
6) Daddy will keep you safe, but be prepared just in case. Isaac wore a life jacket on most of the slides. I assured him that I would hold on to him as we rode, but if I fell off the back of the tube, he was still going to be okay. He understood that if he fell in the water he would pop right back up and he should swim to the side.
We had a fine day, and I look forward to taking him again next year.
One last story from early September…….
Nancy brought Isaac home from school and gave him a light snack. When he was done, he told Nancy that he wanted a cereal bar. She told him, “No” dinner was going to be soon. Nancy had some work to do at her computer, and Isaac played quietly for a while….then took a cereal bar out of the cupboard and put it on the table in front of him. He didn’t unwrap it, he just played with it. Nancy asked what he was doing, and he said he was “going to eat it after dinner.” This lasted right up until he heard the my truck pull up in front of the house at which point his eyes got big, he ran to cupboard, put the cereal bar away, slammed the door and ran upstairs to play.
Turns out I’m not just the “Fun” parent.

Strength and Honor.
Big Matt