Do you Feel Like Swimming (HOL 35)

House of Laughter 35

This has been an incredibly busy week. We had a small “baby party” Sunday, with the other graduates from the “Preparing for Childbirth” class. Monday night, Isaac, Nancy and I rested. On Tuesday, the three of us went out to the driving range, watched some fishermen, fed some geese, and went for a long walk. Wednesday was church. Thursday night, I went to play golf with some buddies, while Isaac, Nancy, and our friend Colleen went on a walk. I tried to write Thursday night, but I was just wiped out.

We joined a swimming pool for the summer and last night was supposed to be the big open house. After a long day at work, Nancy and I came home, put on our bathing suits, gathered up what we needed for Isaac and drove over to the pool. As soon as we got checked in, there was a loud crack of thunder and the life guards told everybody to get out of the pool. We hung out for a few minutes, but then the great deluge began.

We ended up running a few errands in the rain. At first I was a little self conscious. I was wearing a bathing suit, muscle t-shirt, and flip flops.. I was relieved to know that I wasn’t the biggest redneck in T.J. Maxx, Food Lion, or the A.B.C. store. In fact, I was mistaken for the manager at the Food Lion.

Isaac has several new tricks. First he can clap. This is important, as it is the first step in the white boy dance.

He can now finally crawl. It’s really funny (to me) because it looks like a very angry, determined crawl. Each arm comes in a complete arc over the head and slaps the tile at full speed making a “whap”. If I put him down, he will be across the room in just a few minutes doing his other new trick…..

He can stand up. He can pull himself up to a standing position with the help of a coffee table, fireplace hearth, or Max. These last two tricks have prompted me to go raid Target’s “Safe Baby department”. I can already picture three months from now, trying to open a drawer, having it stopped by the safety latch for the 400^th time, and finally snapping and yanking the drawer out with full force destroying the cabinetry.

I had an epiphany this week. I have a “Ceasar Cone Elementary School” T-shirt. I wore it this week, and it dawned on me…..When I wear this shirt, it isn’t cool, or hip, or ironic……I just look like some schlub of a dad wearing an elementary school T-shirt. (When do I get to be cool….WHEN?)

My last little morsel for the night is the tale of Isaac at the pool. My expectation was reasonable. I thought that I would carry Isaac into the pool, and having lived completely submerged in liquid for nine months, he would be swimming gracefully around the pool in the time it took him to remember his gestation….not so much.

We walked to the pool, and by the time we arrived he had fallen asleep. First rule of parenting….1) Do Not wake a Sleeping baby (Second rule…Do not wake a sleeping baby). I changed clothes and jumped into the adult pool. The water was still a little cool, but it felt good to be floating. The smell of sunscreen and chlorine mixed with the sound of a tinny radio, and it felt like summer. The pool cantina even sells banana Laffy Taffy and watermelon Jolly Ranchers to round out the summertime sensory experience.

I was doing my Zen back float, when I opened my eyes, and saw Nancy holding a wide awake Isaac. We changed him into his swim diapers (conveniently already covered in Pooh…..sorry), and he and I walked over to the kiddie pool. Only as soon as we got near the water, he went bat shit. He wanted nothing to do with the little fountains, and the ¾ of a millimeter deep water was too much for him, so I pulled out the big guns. I had to small rubber dinosaurs I had bought the night before. I gave him the dinosaurs and he calmed down.

We sat for a while, and I took the dinosaurs, and put them just out of reach in the direction of the fountains. He reluctantly leaned forward to grab them, and when he did, I slid forward a few inches. We would then repeat the process every few minutes. It took about an hour, but he finally got into water that was about 6 inches deep.

I would like to take a minute to explain a few things about a kiddie pool to those who don’t have kids. For a child, the point of a kiddie pool is to get all of the water out of a kiddie pool. There was a team of about 6 kids who did nothing but load up buckets and dump trucks with water and dump them into the grass. There are very few rules in a kiddie pool. Kids will climb on you, hit you, splash you, run over your child, and, God forbid, if you flash the kid an ugly look or accidentally call him a “little bastard” their parent will give you the “I hate you” look.

After a couple of hours in the small pool, I decided that it was time for the big pool. We put him in a life vest (stupid idea), and he and I climbed into the big pool. He was not happy, but Nancy pointed out that it was the vest that was making him uncomfortable, so I took it off him, and he calmed down.

At first he was very clingy, but after a few minutes, he was splashing and having a great time. Eventually I would only have to hold on to him with just one hand.

You don’t always know the moments that are going to stick with you forever. There are some memories I have that can make me smile even when I feel very lonely or bored. These are the times when everything in the world is right, and you are doing what you were put on this earth to do.

Swimming with Isaac today is a memory I will go back to for the rest of my life. At important milestones in his life, I will think of today, and tear up when I remember how my little boy overcame his fear and learned that I wouldn’t let go of him.

Finally, take a moment this weekend and think of the men and women who have given their lives in service to the United States. Go and thank at least one member of the armed services (current or former) for the sacrifice they made.

Strength and Honor

Big Matt

Three Long Walks (HOL 34)

House of Laughter 34

It was a little spooky when I took Isaac to daycare Thursday. Another little boy in his class has started wearing a helmet, too. I walked in with Isaac in his carrier, and there in the foam pit was another small blond baby wearing overalls and a helmet. I know this sounds incredibly stupid, but I actually looked down into the carrier to make sure Isaac was still in it. Just in case we drove past David Copperfield on the way to Little Mouse.

We have been on a walking kick at our house. I decided to start walking more because my buddy “Little Matt” is hiking the Appalachian Trail this month. I also thought about the time I visited Don in New York and Alex in D.C., and how in both cities I walked all over the place and was amazed by all the details I would have missed from the passenger seat of a car.

Nancy, Isaac, and I walk quite a bit at Country Park and Battleground Park, and we always enjoy it, but I wanted to actually be going somewhere, not just walking in a large loop.

For a while, I’ve wanted to follow a set of abandoned railroad tracks near my house. They go behind several businesses including my favorite book store, “Edward McKay” On Tuesday after work, I loaded Isaac into my backpack and we started walking. We stopped and visited a friend who was working on her house. We saw some Mexican guys hanging out and talking after their shift at Loomcraft textiles. I saw two homeless people sleeping under a bridge not a mile from our house. We saw a familiar stretch of Battleground Avenue from a new perspective.

After we checked out Ed McKay’s new store, we went and bought a couple of slices of pizza and a pitcher of beer at Elizabeth’s Pizza. Isaac is now old enough that he can eat almost anything you put in front of him as long as you chew it first and spit it into his mouth. He enjoyed eating cheerios from our stash, and the occasional black olive from my pizza.

It was a really great night.

My second long walk wasn’t voluntary. On my way out the door to work this morning, I noticed something was missing. Isaac’s car seat. Nancy had left it in her car the night before. I called her cell phone at work. She was proctoring a test, and couldn’t talk, but when I asked her where the car seat was, she panicked. At this point, I realized I had three options. 1) Be a complete ass and make Nancy come home from work and bring me the seat. 2) Put Isaac on the floor of the truck and drive to school hoping I didn’t get in a wreck, didn’t get a ticket, wasn’t seen by any of the staff or other parents at the day care who would automatically brand me as the worst parent since Brittany Spears. 3) Bite the bullet, call work tell them I would be late, and walk the little nipper to daycare.

The third choice is what Jesus would have done, so that is what I went with.

20 minutes later, I dropped the boy off at school, and had a brilliant idea: “I’ll ask one of the other parents for a ride home!”. This works in theory, but in reality, how many of you would give a ride to a sweaty, out of breath, fat guy, with some rambling incoherent story about his wife taking the car seat? I ended up walking back home.

My third long walk was this evening. Nancy, Isaac and I joined a swimming pool for the summer, and we wanted to see if we could walk to it. We made the trek, found the pool, and on the way back, an S.U.V. stops near us and a guy I’ve never met before yells out the window at me “Blogger! Hey you blog don’t you?”.

Nancy and I were completely taken aback. Isaac was cool. The fellow was named “Rock”, and he runs the Greensboro 101 website. He had seen my blog and recognized the little monkey with the blue helmet on my back. His girlfriend was riding with him and we talked for a while. They were very cool people.

As the three of us walked home, I felt pretty damn cool. Isaac on the other hand, well he is used to being famous.

Strength and Honor

Big Matt

Two Weeks (HOL 33)

House of Laughter 33

The last two weekends have been very busy, so I haven’t had much time or clarity of mind to sit and write. Last weekend I went up to Cincinnati with nine friends to ride roller coasters at King’s Island. (You may remember it from a “very special” episode of “The Brady Bunch”. Marsha’s Yogi bear poster got switched with Mike’s blueprints, and I don’t have to tell you, ALL HELL BROKE LOSE!)

The “Beer N’ Coasters” road trip series is something I’ve done with friends for a couple of years now. We’ve been to Busch Gardens, King’s Dominion , Universal Studios, Cedar Point, and the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. This is my first trip with Isaac in the picture. Oddly enough, the only time I really missed him, was on the long van ride home. We were watching the movie “Raising Arizona”, and there are five little toe headed baby boys about Isaac’s age in the movie. It’s a goofy funny movie, but I got a lump in my throat wanting to see my own little boy.

This weekend, was “Mothers’ Day”. Nancy celebrated motherhood by leaving the boy and I at the house and going shopping. I walk a fine line because Nancy and I both agree that it is a made up holiday, and that we don’t have much money to spare on gifts, but at the same time the women I work with are constantly asking me what I bought for her. Oh yeah, there is also that whole “MILF” thing to consider too. Isaac and I made her a card with a word search puzzle which we agreed would be a pretty good present. At the last minute though, I made a trip to Target for wine, chocolates, and other goodies.

Yesterday was also “Youth Sunday” at our church. The youth preached, prayed, sang, played music, and led the whole worship service. I’ve known most of the teens for over half of their lives, and was very proud of all of them.

I’m grateful to be at a church where children and youth are allowed to lead in worship, and are actually listened to and respected. I’m looking forward to Isaac standing in front of the church with the rest of the children’s choir singing loudly while staring at the ceiling and clutching his genitals. (Much like my performance in the adult choir).

Isaac is still almost crawling and almost standing up. He has also started communicating that he wants to be picked up by putting both of his hands over his head.

We’ve changed his helmet as well. In honor of the King’s Island trip, his helmet now says “Son of Beast”.

Strength and Honor,

Big Matt

P.S. I wanted my main letter to be about Isaac, but I still wanted to write a little more about the trip. We rented a 15 passenger van and drove up to Cincinnati on Saturday morning. We stopped at Hofbrauhaus in Newport, Kentucky (right across the river from “Cin” City.) Hofbrahaus is a really cool German beer hall/ brewery with a live polka band. We ended up dancing on the tables, singing the “Hofbrauhaus Version” of ‘Doe-a-Deer’, and someone in our group ended up in a parade around the hall, lifting their shirt for dollar bills.

We went to the park on Sunday morning. Our pastor, Michael Usey, is a master of B.S., and somehow got four of our group into the park before it opened. We rode “The Beast”, “Tomb Raider”, “Vortex”, and “The Italian Job”. The “Flight of Fear”, mixed with a wild night at Hofbrauhaus, caused one of the brotherhood to call it an early day. We were a little disappointed that the “Son of Beast” was closed, but ended our day by riding “Drop Zone”, “Delerium”, and crowd favorite “Face/Off”.

The night was capped off by a boisterous visit to an Outback, and then back to the hotel for beers, video games, and movies. As I understand it, it was much like a “Promise Keepers” weekend.

Reruns

This is the article that I wrote for the News and Record that won't ever get printed. I've been away on a business trip riding roller coasters and drinking beer. A new update is coming soon.

Matt

I find probability to be comforting. Whenever the TV news has a feature on some exotic new threat to our well being, I worry about it for the duration of the broadcast and then realize that the chances of getting bit by a shark, or carjacked, or shot by Dick Cheney are so small that any gambler would bet their next paycheck that it wouldn’t happen to me.

When our son, Isaac, arrived eight months ago, I applied the same concept to his well being. I know bad things are going to happen to him, but the chances of him getting stuck with a used syringe in a “ball pit” are pretty slim. I should focus more attention on keeping him from eating dog food.

By the time he was six months old, my wife and I felt pretty confident in our parenting skills. We split household and baby duties evenly. I bathed Isaac at night and Nancy dressed and fed him in the morning. We even managed to find time for exercise and the occasional “date night”. We had everything under control.

Near the end of Isaac’s six month pediatrician visit, Nancy and I listened to the doctor’s summary of Isaac’s medical status. Everything looked fine except for his head, which had a flat spot. The doctor suggested that we go and see a plastic surgeon in either Chapel Hill or Winston-Salem. Isaac would probably have to wear a helmet for 24 hours a day until his head rounded out. If the helmet didn’t work, they would have to break the bones in the skull to fix it.

As he spoke, I imagined an agonizing four hour wait in a hospital while unknown surgeons broke my son’s perfect head in an operating room down the hall. I thought of my friend’s nephew who has had extensive cranial surgery and how hard it has been for their family. I was nauseous.

We made the trip to Baptist Hospital and found the correct office in Janeway Tower. The technicians took the three of us into a room and scanned Isaac’s head with a laser. The 3-D model that the computer created looked perfectly round to me. Later Dr. Argenta, the surgeon came in and explained to us why Isaac needed to wear his helmet for about four to six months. I had hoped that the doctor would come in, say “Isaac’s head is fine. The pediatrician was just being overly cautious.”

Isaac got his new helmet. It was Carolina blue (my first problem with it), and looked like a football helmet with the top sliced off. Isaac didn’t even seem to notice that it was on.

Nancy and I walked silently to the car. We sat in the parking garage for a while, and I could tell that she was about to cry. I asked her what she was thinking and she said, “When people look at Isaac, they used to think , ‘What a cute baby!’ Now the first thing they will think is ‘What is wrong with that baby?”.

I suggested that we buy some stickers and write across the front of the helmet a profanity laced phrase which aggressively poses the question, “What are you looking at?”

Nancy couldn’t help but laugh when she wanted to cry.

Nancy was right. People did stare. We overheard children tell their parents “Look at that baby with a helmet”, and then felt sheepish as the mortified parent apologized to us. Some adults would stare at Isaac and then look away quickly when I’d try to make eye contact with them.

That night over pizza and beer, Nancy and I came up with a long list of phrases for Isaac’s helmet. Most were over the top and for our own amusement, but one stuck with us. Later that night, Nancy used orange and blue stickers to write the phrase “Ask me About my Flat Spot” on the helmet.

Isaac went back to Baptist hospital for his two month follow up last week. He is still going to have to wear his helmet for at least another two months. I was a little disappointed, but I can handle it. We have seen several other little tykes wearing the helmets, and we always stop and chat with the other parents.

We still occasionally get a strange look, or awkward comment, but we take it in stride. The odds are, those people have never seen a baby wearing such a cool helmet.

Strength and Honor,
Big Matt

Purple Nurple (HOL 32)

House of Laughter 32

In the middle of an exam yesterday, my pager went off. I picked up the call, and it was the daycare center. Isaac had a fever, was lethargic and cranky and hadn’t eaten much all day. I finished up my work, and began a series of calls and negotiations with my boss, Nancy, the daycare, and our pediatrician, to decide the best way to take care of him.

The plan was, I would leave work, pick up Isaac, and would stay home until Nancy could get off work and take him to the doctor. I briefed Nancy on Isaac’s condition when she arrived home. “He has a temp of 100 point five, and he feels pretty warm. I just got him to lie down.”

Nancy was very concerned, and drew a cool bath for him, and wanted to know if we could get him to the doctor sooner. She woke him up and put him in the bath. If you were sick, and someone woke you up and put you in a cool bath, you’d throw a fit too. Isaac was not happy. At this point, I thought Nancy was just being “Overprotective Mother Crazy”, and decided to stay out of her way.

What really happened was that she misheard me. She thought I said that he had a fever of 105. I assured her that if his fever was 105, he and I would be sitting in the E.R. at Moses Cone.

The little guy is feeling much better this morning. Nancy put him in bed with me, and instead of napping like he normally does, he decided it was time to play. He found a new toy and tried desperately to pick it up, but unfortunately, my right nipple was still firmly attached to my chest.

One of his new tricks, is that when you go to pick him up, he raises both arms over his head. It’s neat to see an interaction on his part that doesn’t relate directly to eating. Isaac also enjoys playing with his new toy, a plastic bucket which we bought strawberries in last week. I wore it on my head for a while, so we could both have helmets. He loves to make noise, and spends a lot of his time hitting buckets and tin boxes to make loud sounds.

The Greensboro News and Record has a new column about family life. I submitted a short re-hash of Isaac’s helmet adventure. The editor liked it, but told me that they received many submissions….blah blah blah…they probably won’t print it.

I still like what I wrote, so I’ll post it in a day or two.

Strength and Honor

Big Matt