How I spent my weekend (HoL 20)

I am one hundred percent sure about what the worst thing that happened to me this weekend was. The clear winner was “Having Isaac throw up a half gallon mix of Hummus, puréed tuna, Soy Formula, and Cough Syrup all over me.” I don’t think anything else was close. Was it the wet, sticky sensation on my bare arms? Was it the tuna smell? Hard to say for sure, but I do believe that was the worst part of my weekend hands down.

He’d been feeling cruddy for a couple of days, and his coughing woke him up several times the night before. Nancy cleaned him, the chair, and the nursery floor, while I took a shower. I believe my exact words after being sprayed were, “Congratulations Nancy, you’ve been promoted to single parent for the night.”

By the time I got out of the shower, Nancy had him cleaned up. He had this smug look on his face as if to say, “Yeah I puked on you, but I’m a cute little baby. What are you going to do about it?” It kind of reminded me of W’s ‘What the hell are you going to do? I’m the president’ smirk. It’s cute when the baby does it.

We went to a baby shower for our friends Javier and Celena Velez (Happy Birthday!). They are going to have a little boy named Alex in the next month or so. I had to chuckle remembering how it felt to sit in Javier’s place eight months ago. You never know where life is going to lead you, but Javier and I have talked about Alex and Isaac being friends when they get older. It’s like an “arranged friendship.”

A notebook was passed around to all the guests at the shower to write advice in. Most people wrote a few lines. They said things like “God Bless you”, or “You are going to be wonderful parents.” I took up three pages with a list of all of the practical advice I found useful. Things like “Javier. Do laundry and cook dinner.” I should have added at the end, “Don’t make a big deal about how you did laundry and made dinner.” I also advised to take pictures and video every day, not just special occasions.

Isaac was up for about an hour last night at midnight. He woke up coughing, and couldn’t get back to sleep. I feel bad for my sick little guy, because he is absolutely pathetic when he cries and coughs, but at the same time he is so damn cute when he does it. He has a little high pitch whine in his voice when he strains that reminds me of a girl I used to work with down in Florida. She was a sorority girl who smoked two packs a day, and when she got upset, would develop a little squeak in her voice.

I’m going to try and actually “Blog” this article and send out a notice that my site has been updated and see how it works. I’m slowly warming to the web page idea. What sold me was the link associated with the words “Tall and narrow” in “House of Laughter 18”. Leave a comment at the end of this article to let me know if this website worked, and what you think.

Strength and Honor

Big Matt

Must Use Spell Check (HoL 19)

Well little “Helmet Head” seems to be going on with life as usual. Thanks again for all the e-mails and calls. I think things are as normal as can be with a baby in the house.

Last night, I went out with some friends to a film festival at U.N.C.G. I really love short independent films, and so Nancy was okay with me going out to the movies three nights in a row, because there isn’t really any other time of year when I can see films like these.

At about 9:30, my buddies and I were 20 minutes into a documentary about barbecue in the Carolinas, and my friend Daniel’s cell phone vibrates. He leans over and whispers, “Matt, your wife is calling”. I had turned my phone off partly out of habit being in a theater, and partly (as it was later pointed out to me) because I’m the biggest idiot in the whole wide world. You don’t ever turn off your phone if you have a baby. I excused myself from the theater to call home. I assumed Nancy wanted me to pick something up on the way home, or was checking to see how late I would be.

I wandered out of the student union so my cell phone would get a signal. I called home and heard a screaming baby, and a garbled Nancy imploring me to come home. I couldn’t tell if the baby was sick, or Osama bin Laden had showed up at the house because Isaac was screaming so loud. I told my friends I had to leave and sprinted across the U.N.C.G. campus to my truck which was parked at the church. (Okay to be fair, I ran halfway across the commons area in front of the student union before my pants started to fall down, I grew short of breath and developed chest pains….but I did walk the rest of the way pretty quickly.)

I got into the truck and turned north on Aycock street heading towards home. I called Nancy again to let her know I was on the way. This time there was still a lot of screaming on the baby's part, but I pieced together that he had been screaming for over an hour and wouldn’t sleep or eat or be comforted. She didn’t know if it was the helmet, or his earache, or something else, but she had come to the end of her rope.

I hit every red light between Walker Avenue and Martinsville, and screeched to a halt in front of the house. I composed myself before I went in. I thought, “Nancy is at her wits end, I need to be calm.” I walked in and the boy was screaming and crying. The look on Nancy’s face told me that this had been going on for a while. I fixed him a bowl of oatmeal and a bottle, and slowly and patiently fed him. He was still screaming, but I kept feeding him. It took a while, but he eventually fell asleep.

When I finally got him settled and emerged from the nursery, there was a volatile mix of moods in the house. Nancy was tired from a couple of bad nights with the boy, frazzled from an hour and a half of the boy screaming and her worrying, and a little embarrassed for calling me and making me rush home. I was a little miffed for having to come home early, pretty cocky for being able to calm the boy down, and a bit amused at the whole situation. The smart thing would have been for neither of us to say a word, but to go to sleep right then, and never mention the incident again. That didn’t happen.

Eventually Nancy did go to bed and gave me permission to go back to watch the rest of the films. I considered it, although I knew going back was a bad idea. Even the dog looked at me as if to say, “Don’t be an idiot.” I ended up tending to the boy and going to bed around 1:00.

Nancy and I went to the festival tonight and saw the documentary Bright Leaves. The filmmaker intertwined home movies into his film about the history of tobacco in North Carolina. At one point he wonders out loud about the purpose of home movies, and suggests that one day when he is long gone, his own son, might watch old home movies to try to learn about what kind of person his dad was.

When I heard that, I couldn’t help but imagine an adult Isaac reading these letters trying to make sense of what kind of people his parents were. What if he keeps these and shows his own children? I must admit I am a little humbled at the prospect of these words possibly lasting longer than I do. (Just to clarify, I’m not sick or anything. I just had an epiphany is all.)

It’s 12:30. Time for me to go to sleep. Isaac is coming down with a second chest cold, and Nancy is ready for a big house cleaning tomorrow, so I need my rest.

Strength and Honor

Big Matt

In Good Company (HoL 18 supp.)

Today's Doonsbury.

Thanks Don.


Matt

Ask Me About My Flat Spot (HoL 18)

Today was the visit to Dr. Argenta’s office in Winston Salem. I want to thank everyone for all of the support and love we received. When we got home tonight, there were a half dozen messages on our answering machine from friends and family checking on us.

I went to work this morning with the plan of leaving at lunch and heading to Wake Forest with Nancy and Isaac. About 11:00 I started to panic. I became really nervous, and agitated. Around 12:30 we started driving to Winston-Salem. We found the plastic surgery office on the fifth floor of Janeway tower (A Star Trek reference….this had to be a good omen.) Nancy filled out all of the paper work while Isaac and I checked out the hospital’s helicopter landing pad down below us.

After a very short wait, the physician’s assistant gave us a cursory examination, and sent us to the 3-D imaging room. They put a stocking cap over his head (I commented that he was now ready for his first liquor store robbery, and the imaging people laughed.), and strapped on some “Matrix” style sunglasses with a reference point on the right temple. While I held him, the younger tech “painted” Isaac’s head with a laser. The computer recognized where the reference point was in relation to the scan and sure enough, a three dimensional model of Isaac’s head was compiled on the computer monitor to my right. It was kind of like how they created Gollum for the Lord of the Rings.

Dr. Argenta came and looked at the boy, and told us that he had a significant flat spot that was slightly to the left and the was pulling his left ear out of proper alignment. This could be the source of ear infections down the road. Dr. Argenta recommended the helmet, to be worn 24 hours a day for 3-4 months. I asked if this was purely cosmetic, or if there was potential for serious problems. His response reminded me of something Gill Grissom on C.S.I. would say. He told us about how the brain’s blood flow pattern’s were very specific, and if you change the shape of the brain, it might cause damage. It wouldn’t make him severely brain damaged, but may cause learning disabilities.

Then came the coolest and most surreal part of the doctor’s speech. “When Isaac gets older, take him to the basement of the Smithsonian in Washington. They have all these skulls from different Indian and South American tribes who would bind the skulls of their captive’s and slave’s children causing them to grow up deaf and with the inability to speak. They bound the heads differently, and some of the skulls are flat, while others are tall and narrow. This would have turned some people off, but I liked the doctor much more after that.

The doctor left, and Nancy, Isaac and I sat in the exam room together. I asked Nancy, “Wasn’t he supposed to say that Dr. Young was just being overly cautious”, and “Isaac is fine. He will grow out of it.” Nancy and I had both been expecting that.

A technician came and custom fit a hideous “Carolina Blue” helmet on to his noggin. It looks like a football helmet with the top sliced off. I’ll admit it was a little difficult to look at to begin with. I picked him up and it didn’t take long until I got a good solid head butt from Isaac. The tech told us that we will be getting a lot of those since the baby can’t feel them. Isaac acted like he didn’t even notice his helmet. The first real shock though was when I went to kiss his head and kissed plastic instead. That set off a small ripple of sadness through me.

Everyone at the office was very friendly and patient. No one seemed like they were in a rush when they saw us.

Nancy, Isaac, and I found our car in parking deck. Nancy looked a little pale and had a blank look on her face. I asked how she felt. She said she felt ok, but her anxiety level was starting to rise, and it’s possible that she could cry at any minute. I asked what was on her mind, and she said, “Most people see Isaac and think, ‘What a cute baby!’ Now their first impression is going to be ‘Why is that baby wearing a helmet? What’s wrong with him?” There was a few moments of silence, and I was worried that Nancy was going to start crying, so I said, “What if we get a sticker for the middle of his helmet that says ‘The Fuck You Lookin At?” We both laughed out loud. We had to.

We went and walked around the mall in Winston. We had to decompress. Nancy was right. People did look at us differently. They looked and then made an effort not to look. I held my boy up with pride. He was still perfect in my eyes. Afterwards, Nancy told me she was glad that we went out and saw the other people’s reactions early on instead of us getting used to the helmet and then going out and experiencing the odd looks from strangers.

We had dinner at Elizabeth’s Pizza and split a pitcher of Red Oak beer. We blew off steam and made each other laugh suggesting different sayings that we could print on his helmet. I suggested “Shit Happens When You Party Naked”. Nancy liked “My Parents Did This to Me.” I also suggested “They Shake Me”. We laughed and talked for a while before settling on the saying which now appears boldly in orange and blue letters across his forehead, “Ask Me About My Flat Spot”. We felt that this message was really funny, but at the same time acknowledged the elephant in the room to strangers. The people who don’t think it’s funny….well, he’s our kid to screw up however we see fit. The rest of the helmet is covered in alligator stickers and palm trees.

On the way home, we had to stop at Target to buy some formula. As we walked down one aisle in the back of the store, we heard a six year old boy the next aisle over tell his dad, “Look dad, there’s a baby with a helmet on!”. Nancy and I grimaced at first, but just looked at each other and smiled. We never had it so good. The helmet is only for now. Isaac is happy as can be. He got to see a helicopter today and gets to wear a cool helmet all the time….even while sleeping.

Strength and Honor

Big Matt

Shaheera (HoL 17)

The company has come and gone. This weekend was a tidal wave of little girls, male baking, football, grandmas, Sunday morning worship, grandpas, Stamey’s barbecue, in-laws, out-laws, a four foot tall wooden statue, a "walk in Aviary", and large quantities of beer. It was a wild, wonderful, weekend that left us exhausted, but feeling very much loved by friends, family, and church.

The excitement started Friday night with the arrival of our good friends Matt and Christina. I’ve known Matt since second grade. Many of you know that for over 15 years, little Matt and I have been passing a heavy wooden statue named “Shaheera” back and forth. Christina is his beautiful wife with a wicked sense of humor and contagious curiosity about the natural world. We drank beer, ate pizza, passed around Isaac, played videogames, and shared stories.

The next morning about 7:00 we got a call that Nancy’s family was in Greensboro, trying to find their way to our house. I hadn’t had any coffee, still had a little beer floating around my head, and frantically tried to straighten a few things up and make final preparations for their arrival. Four road weary adults and three sleepy little girls arrived a few minutes later. After a few pancakes, a couple boxes of Krispy Kremes, and pot of coffee, the whole house was buzzing.

My folks arrived later that day, and although he hadn’t originally planned on it, my dad decided to make a cake for the next day’s “Male Bake off” at the church. This was one of my favorite times of the whole weekend. My father, father-in-law, little Matt, and I were all in the kitchen at the same time cooking four different deserts, telling dirty jokes, passing around an open bottle of wine, and taking turns embarrassing each other on video tape. Christina was chief video documentarian and emcee. My mom bathed, read to, and put Isaac to bed that night. (I was surprised. Where did she learn to do this stuff?)

Sunday morning was chaos. By this point, two pieces of furniture were damaged, the dog had growled at the girls, people were sleeping on every conceivable flat surface, and Nancy’s sister had been sick. Somehow we managed to feed and dress four kids, round up our deserts and made it to the church.

The service was perfect. We were surprised by a few friends we hadn’t seen in a while in the congregation. Our pastor Michael walked around the sanctuary holding Isaac and talking about famous Isaacs (He even mentioned Isaac Hayes….one bad mother..shut your mouth), and telling the story of Abraham and Isaac.

Near the end of the dedication, my friend Daniel, another minister at the church, told me to look at the back of the sanctuary. In the back row, was “Shaheera”. Of course I saw this at the very beginning of a prayer while I was standing facing the entire congregation. I did everything I could to not laugh out loud. Several people asked me later if I was crying since I was visibly shuttering trying to hold in my laughter.

Matt and Christina left that afternoon, and Mom and Dad left the next morning. Isaac had his six month doctor’s appointment Monday morning. Dr. Young systematically explained how everything was looking fine, and then mentioned that Isaac had a flat spot on his head, and he would send us to a cranial/facial surgeon in either Winston or Chapel Hill to look at it. Isaac’s dry skin around his face was starting to look a little better, but maybe we could try….. “WAIT A MINUTE!!!! Back up to the cranial surgery part”.

We both really like Dr. Young, but as he explained the treatment for Isaac’s flat spot, certain words hit me like an aluminum baseball bat. I’ll use all caps for those words. “He needs to see a SURGEON at a TEACHING HOSPITAL. He will probably have to wear a PADDED HELMET 24 hours a day until it RESHAPES HIS SKULL. INSURANCE DOESN’T COVER this, and they may need to SURGICALLY REPAIR PART OF HIS SKULL”. At each of these words or phrases, I imagined watching nurses wheel off my happy and healthy son in a stretcher only to see him bandaged up several hours later. I also remembered a childhood trip to Colonial Williamsburg and a padded device called a “pudding cap” that they put on babies to keep them from hurting the soft spot on their head, and how funny that struck my family. I was nauseous, Nancy was crying.

We made an appointment for February 20. Since then, we have become reassured by a friend whose son has seen this surgeon, and plenty of testimonials about other kids who’ve had flat spots that have been corrected non invasively. I’ve also done a great deal of praying. I don’t pray for God to fix Isaac’s head. God isn’t my personal cosmic butler. I pray that I can be strong and smart and level headed so I can be the father and husband I need to be.

Nancy and I are relatively calm now, but as the 20th approaches, remember us, and keep us in your thoughts and prayers.

Hopefully we can relax some this weekend. This is our “Scheduled Sick Weekend”. We are skipping all other obligations and spending the weekend at home, sleeping in, watching movies, playing games, and listening to music. Hopefully I can go for all of Saturday without wearing any pants.

I close with a quote that was printed on the back of Isaac’s dedication program.

“If you asked me what I came into this world to do, I will tell you: I came to live out loud”.

Strength and Honor

Big Matt