That Dog's Breath is Awful (HOL 31)

House of Laughter 31
I woke up this morning to a very excited Nancy joyfully proclaiming that Isaac has two lower teeth coming in. He had been eating his breakfast and Nancy caught a glimpse of them. I put my finger in his maw and sure enough felt two little nubs. We called the grandmas bright and early to let them know.

We went out to the farmer’s market this morning. I carried Isaac around in my backpack. I felt like a TaunTaun. Nancy panicked when she realized we had forgotten to pack a bottle, but I saved the day. I bought a loaf of bread and tore up small pieces and handed them over my shoulder to a hungry boy. It was a really peaceful feeling to have him riding back there, munching on healthy fresh bread.

We stopped in to Wal-Mart, and had a strange encounter. A woman we didn’t know asked if Isaac went to “Little Mouse”. Nancy said yes, and asked if the woman worked there or had grandkids who went there. No, a friend of hers works there and told her about the little boy with the helmet that had funny sayings on it.

We got home and Isaac and I worked out in the yard. He sat in his wagon and watched me plant vegetables. It was a lot of work, but we have a pretty nice looking garden.

One final thing that I thought was pretty disgusting. I went into Isaacs room yesterday and there was a diaper torn up on the floor. The diaper genie had been full, so a midnight dirty diaper went right into the can, and promptly became a midnight snack for the dog.

Now I know why our friend Colleen doesn’t like it when Max licks her feet.

Strength and Honor.

Big Matt

57 Channels and Nothing's On (HOL 30)

House of Laughter 30

Nancy, Isaac and I got high speed internet access last week and it took all of three days for our computer to become infected with spyware, viruses, and a really cool video of a chimpanzee who does karate. It took me a while to set everything up, and I owe a debt of gratitude to Daniel for helping me get rid of much of the malicious software.

I had my first minor clash with Isaac’s teachers today. I dropped the boy off at daycare this morning, and a representative from Time Warner was installing cable to a wall mounted TV in the infant room. (The infant room covers birth to walkers.) I asked one of the workers what the TV was for, and her reply was, “So we know about the weather on days like today.” I didn’t particularly care for that answer, but was running late for work.

When I got to work, I called and asked to speak to the director. “Norma” wasn’t available, but the woman who answered told me, that they have the TV because the children like to watch the “Baby Einstein” videos. My smart ass response was, “Well I’m sure they like watching the Simpsons as well, but that doesn’t mean….” She interrupted me, “No, we watch videos, we are in control, we are in control.”

I wanted to ask, “Then what the hell do you need cable for?!”, but didn’t. I was getting a little angry, and was getting nowhere with this woman.

The American Academy of Pediatrics suggests that no child under the age of two should be watching TV. Other parents let their small children watch TV all the time, and that is their choice. I will admit, Isaac has seen quite a few episodes of the Simpsons while we play on the ground, but at this stage, I can’t see putting him down for the sole purpose of watching TV.

The core of my complaint is, I want to minimize the amount of TV Isaac is exposed to and if I am paying someone to care for and teach him, I don’t want them to put on a TV just because it will quiet him down.

I eventually spoke to the director, and she assured me that the videos are rarely used, are relevant to the curriculum, and that Isaac could do something else while they were playing. Norma runs a tight ship, and I was somewhat relieved.

In less ranting news, Isaac is on the verge of crawling. He just has to figure out how to get his legs to work. I’ll put his beloved duck just out of reach, and he will stretch and strain, but can’t quite figure out how to crawl.

He was particularly cute tonight. While Nancy and I watched Survivor and Amazing Race, Isaac studied his fascinating new toy, the remote control for the VCR. He also snuggled up next to Nancy completely oblivious to the fact that Mojo and the frat boys were totally rude to the hippies, and Cirie finally got up off her butt and made something happen…..

Excuse me, I have to go disconnect my cable.

Strength and Honor,

Big Matt

Before and After

The before picture (2/06) is on the Left, the after picture (4/06) is on the right.

To orient you, this is looking down on the head, and Isaac is staring at the bottom of the screen.

There is a little nipple in the middle of his head. No, he's not growing a horn, but that is the top of the stocking cap.

You can see that the back left of his head(Our right side about 2:00) is much rounder in the after picture. The face had also filled out on the left side (About 4:00)

Feel free to print this picture out and hang it on your refrigerator....Gosh he is cute!!

Flat Headed Boys They'll Be Riding Today (HOL 29)

House of Laughter 29

Thank you for all the e-mails and prayers regarding our trip to Wake Forest Monday. Nancy and I were still a little nervous during the trip to Winston, but we were much calmer than before. Isaac and I were in for a treat when we got there. While Nancy checked us in, he and I went and looked at the helicopter pad again. I remembered looking out the same window two months ago. This time Isaac was standing up and staring intently at the helicopter, especially when the blade started turning and the helicopter flew away.

They took Isaac back to the same room to scan his head. They put a nylon stocking cap on his head, and I made a joke about how he had just put activator in his hair. Everyone just stared blankly at me. (I thought it was funny). They scanned his melon with the laser again, and put us in an exam room to wait for the P.A.

The P.A. brought pictures from the two scans, one from two months ago, and one from twenty minutes earlier. ( Nancy will scan a copy of it and I will post it later this week.) Initially I noticed no difference, but the P.A. pointed out how the back left and left face were rounding out. She said he had gone from a “3” to a “2” in a voice that let me know that this was a good thing. “When he gets to a ‘1’ we just have to tweak it occasionally.”.

The upshot of all of this. His face is now symmetrical, but the back of his head and ear aren’t quite there yet. In another two months we are going to reassess, and he might be done with helmets, or he might have to wear it another two months, or he might have to wear it only at nights. He is improving, but he still has to wear the thing 24 hours, and let me tell you, it gets funky.

I want to say I wish the helmet was gone, but I am having so much fun with the boy, that I can’t bring myself to really want anything to change. His self feeding skills are increasing in efficiency, and I have slowly been introducing olives into his diet, so when he gets older, he and I can out vote Nancy when the time comes to order pizza.

The two of us went on a long walk tonight, and we had a great time looking at trees and dogs and cats and birds and chatting with neighbors and letting old ladies faun over him.

His sleeping is even getting better. Nancy and I have decided to do the “Cold Turkey” method of bedtime. We put him down and just let him cry until he puts himself to sleep. The first time was almost an hour of non stop crying. I had Nancy chained to a wall in the bedroom. It was hard on me too. I was trying to play Tiger Woods on X-box.

Tonight he cried for about 20 minutes and zonked out. Of course in that 20 minutes, he managed to push himself in to the far corner of the crib and now his legs are dangling out the slats, but a win is a win.

Life is good. The helmet is only for now.

Strength and Honor

Big Matt

Damn Dirty Ape (HOL 28)

House of Laughter 28

Isaac and Nancy arrived home safely last Thursday. I was surprised at how much Isaac had changed even in a week. When he left, he was just starting to slide backwards on his belly, but now he is rolling over, and pushing himself up. It really is pretty amazing.

In celebration of the Florida Gator’s basketball championship, Isaac successfully put his toy basketball into the hoop three times today with no help from mom or dad. He is the first one in our family with athletic ability!

Isaac has had a little trouble getting adjusted to being back home, but last night was the worst. He was up at 12:00, 2:00, 4:00 and 6:00 and was very difficult to get to sleep at any of those times. That’s why this particular “House of Laughter” isn’t to the high standards of quality you’ve come to expect.

We all went to the zoo on Saturday. Evidently most of North Carolina went to the zoo that day as well. It was hot, and the idiots were out in full force. Every time we go to the zoo, I overhear some schmuck in another family say to a friend, “Hey let’s go over to the monkeys and see some of your cousins!!!”. The irony is, that if you asked this same person if they believed in evolution, they would probably spit on you.

Speaking of primates, I have a problem. Do you know how there is always some jerk who always knows more about any subject then everyone else and has to flaunt it? Well I don’t want to be that guy, but dammit if I hear one more parent tell their child that a chimpanzee is a monkey and not an ape, I’m going to fling poop at them. I would never say anything about it, because I’d look like an ass, and the parent wouldn’t particularly care. Teach children accurate information. Don’t let them grow up in a taxanomic den of lies.

I also am doing my best to teach Isaac to sit still and watch the animals. Most people stop briefly, spot the animal or glance around a seemingly empty enclosure and quickly move to the next exhibit in a “Zoo Scavenger Hunt” type fashion. I want Isaac to understand that to enjoy nature, you have to be patient and observant.

Today was Easter, and we had a really great day. Isaac had a basket of candy which he was very kind to share with his mother and I. Church was a time of celebration. The sermon was about why it is still relevant to talk about the crucifixion. Nancy and I were both moved several times during the service. We had a big lunch afterwards with some friends and Isaac and I took a nap this afternoon.

Tomorrow we head back to Winston Salem for a follow up visit about the helmet. Keep us in your thoughts and prayers tomorrow morning. I’ll let you know what Dr. Argenta says.

Strength and Honor

Big Matt

No Laughter This Week (HOL 27)

House of Laughter 27

This week has been odd for several reasons. Most obvious is that Nancy and Isaac are down in Florida for the week. In the book “Trainspotting”, by Irvine Welsh, the protagonist, Renton, talks about being a junkie, and how everything that a junkie does, no matter how small, somehow relates back to doing drugs. Oddly enough this is similar to parenting. Basically being a parent is a 24 hour a day job. I wake up, I take care of Isaac. I come home for lunch, I clean the house so I can spend time with Isaac. I come home, I play with Isaac, bathe him, and put him to bed. Even when I sleep I listen for Isaac crying, then pretend to sleep and hope Nancy gets up to take care of him. He usually wakes me up though. Unless I wear earplugs. Which I usually do.

This week, my life is off center. People ask if I miss Nancy and Isaac, and I do, but the biggest disruption is to my sense of balance. I get to do fun things with friends like going to baseball games and seeing movies, but I still expect to get home and change a diaper and read a story. When they get home tomorrow, I will miss the freedom, but I will feel like my life is back on track.

The other odd thing this week is my introduction to the evil that is myspace.com. It started when I heard that some of the kids at church were being….well teenagers and giving out too much information about themselves, on the internet. I signed up to check out the website, promptly got very bored, and left. When I returned for a second try, I found a message from an old friend waiting for me. Within a few minutes, I had found dozens of people that I knew from high school. I sent out several e-mails, and got quite a few responses.

Most of the people were only acquaintances, but I still could remember specific stories about each one, and how through brief moments of grace or cruelty that each had some small effect on my life. I remembered the now openly gay man’s frustrated teenage plea that he was straight. I remembered the middle school remark of how I “Never cussed at all”, and how completely un-farking true that turned out to be. I remembered the very cool guy who stripped butt naked and streaked down the beach with complete joy and abandon.

At the same time, I also see people I can’t bring myself to send a message to. There are people who have hurt me or I have hurt, and I can think of no good reason for contacting them again.

As I remember these people, I can think of a huge lesson for Isaac. Treat everyone you meet with respect. You never know who you are going to meet again, or how you are going to affect their lives.

Strength and Honor

Big Matt

Only 66 More Years to Go Honey! (HOL 26)

House of Laughter 26

I’m very tired right now, but I have not written in a while, and I have many stories to tell. We just came back from Virginia Beach this morning. We celebrated Nancy’s grandparents’ 75^th wedding anniversary. There was a huge family party that was a lot more fun than I thought it would be. Nancy and I only counted two dumb-ass remarks (that we heard) about Isaac’s helmet, which was better than expected.

We stayed at a hotel on the beach. There were a few problems though: 1) We were right across from the elevators, so we heard them all night long; 2) we were right above the exit to the bar; 3) there was a cheerleading competition in town that weekend, and; 4) 80% of the hotel guests were cheerleaders and cheermoms from a private school in New Jersey. So there were cheerleaders shrieking and running down the halls until two in the morning.

Our hotel had an oversize Jacuzzi tub, and Isaac and I got in it and swam in the morning. We were having a good time when he suddenly started crying. I reached under him to pick him up and thought “I don’t remember putting a large ball of clay in the tub”…..yeah…..that was no ball of clay. I quickly scooped the boy out of the tub and called for Nancy. The “ball of clay” fell off and rolled across the room like a golf ball being chipped onto a putting green. It’s a Hell of a way to start a morning.

At breakfast, I noticed another couple in the restaurant staring at Isaac. I assumed that it was because he was making noise. I wanted to go over to the table and say “You are in a pancake house with the three bears painted on the wall, why are you staring at my child like he doesn’t belong?” I told Nancy, and she suggested that it was the helmet they were staring at.

We have two weeks until we go and see Dr. Argenta about the helmet again. I have to admit, I’m ready for the helmet to go. We keep it on Isaac’s melon all the time except when changing clothes and bathing. Last week, I treated myself to some “naked noggin” time. I had him sit on my chest without the helmet and I read “Casey at the Bat”. His hair is so soft with the helmet off. When the helmet is gone, I hope I don’t take for granted getting to see his head all the time.

Isaac has really bonded with one of his toys. It’s a stuffed octopus I’ve named “Ocho”. I need to remember to go buy about ten of them in case anything happens to him.

Isaac also discovered the joy of splashing in the tub tonight. He was having a great time splashing water with both hands. I then took a big plastic cup and poured a steady stream of water in front of him. He looked at it quizzically, and then reached out to touch it, and couldn’t seem to understand where it went or why it disappeared. For a few minutes tonight I got to see the world through his eyes, and saw the common-place in a new way.

One last touchy feely note, on the recommendation of my friend Paul Lowder, I picked up the book, “The World According to Mr. Rogers”. It is a collection of essays and songs written by the late Fred Rogers. There are many great, simple ideas about parenting and life, and I always feel relaxed after reading a couple of passages. I’m not normally one to recommend an inspirational book, but I have enjoyed this one.

Strength and Honor.

Matt